Our Future, together?
by D. Navaron
Summary: Who ever said being lovers is going to be easy? As time goes on, Nowaki is now more successful and popular then ever. Hiroki's feels insecure about their relationship, but so does Nowaki. Things turn out for the worse but they will soon find a way out of it, may be not together?
1. Insecurities

Its 8.25 am. I am going to be late for work! "Darn that Nowaki, saying that he would wake me up. What a load of bull!." I dashed to the bathroom, freshen up, stumbled at the drawers, cursing as if this only had happened once.

"Am I forgetting anything?! No?!." I dashed out of the house with Nowaki nowhere in sight. That is usual. I feel as if he in no longer present in the house no more. Always kept busy with his work. Coming home for a change of clothes, have a short casual talk with me then run back to the hospital.

"Dont let this get to you, you're late for work". I finally reached to the front door of my classroom. Thank god i brought my materials with me or not I have to be lectured by that Professor Miyagi this early in the morning. As I enter the class "everybody behave, lecture is going to start- you there! No cellphones allowed in this class!".

Exhaled after my classes are done for the day. I entered my office with a cringe on the face "Good evening Professor Miyagi". Then i see a person with all sparkles in his eyes upon hearing my greeting. Your sparkly-sparkly attitude is annoying! Urgh.

"Well, well, good evening to you too Hiroki. You look as crappy as always. Anything bad happened? said the annoying divorced man called Professor Miyagi. "Can you stop being all sparkly?! Dont lecture me on how crappy i look! Mind your own business! And dont call me by my first name!"

"Wow, someones moody. Something did happen. Want to talk about it to this enduring old man? I am a good listener." My eyes twitched. "Its non of your business professor, and by the way have you finished your paperwork on the-" as i sat down and look back a him, HE WAS MISSING. I called upon all diety to help me calm down my nerves. He must have not finished it yet. Isn't the deadline tomorrow?! I ain't going to help you on this one!

I kept on working, but my mind isnt solely focused on my work. All I think about is jet black. Nowaki. I looked at the clock and it's 9 pm. It was already that late. Gathered my materials and saw my phone blinking, indicating I have a message. I read it and it said.

"Im sorry it looks like i would be staying the night at the hospital again tonight. There are a lot of emergency cases and we are short of staff. I will make it up to you. Happy Anniversary my beloved. I love you. See you tomorrow. - Nowaki"

My heart aches. I knew it was the best decision not to make reservations anywhere or get exited over a celebration. We have been together for 9 years excluding the 6 years he went to America. An anniversary is suppose to be nothing by this time right? As long as he still loves me. Then again I remembered all the arguments that we had before, all about petty things but it was all important to me. Aside from his sempai, every time i come over to the hospital, I noticed all eyes were on him. My Nowaki. He is mine! But he is getting more an more popular to both men and women. He is highly praised in the hospitals university and gradually became one of the most capable doctors in the hospital. As expected from- my man? Tears starts to flow down to my cheeks without me noticing.

"Hiroki, are you okay?" asked Professor Miyagi. I jumped and immediately rubbed my eyes to wipe off those useless tears. "Of course I am alright, and you, where have you been?! Suddenly disappearing like that then reappearing like a ghost! You scared me..."

I toned down and looked away as I was still hung up on all the thoughts about Nowaki. Professor Miyagi saw it right away and hugged me.

"Calm down, its not the end of the world now is it? How about I make some coffee? Then we can talk about things 'kay?". He looked at me with a smile. Usually I would go full berserk but I dont feel like doing that now. I feel like screaming at the top of my lungs on how I hate Nowaki and miss him so much at the same time. Is it alright if I tell Professor Miyagi about my insecurities? I am sure he would'nt mind as he has a male lover too. "Yes please...professor".

I ended up chatting to Professor Miyagi, not letting him know everything. But told him my situation as Nowaki is at the hospital for 5 days now and before that was a whole week. And even before that-even before that. He is too busy to even spend time with me, always working non stop to the point of me worrying about his health. Professor Miyagi listened to me the whole way and came up to the conclusion. "You should hold your ground, say that you are tired of all of this! Spend more time with you and give him an empty threat that you will leave him if he dosent do as you say."

Leave him? Nowaki? I can't do that! I need him, I NEED HIM! He gives me warmth and completes me. Only he knows the real me! Thoughts running in my head about our relationship. He can always leave me that easily, he can always start a new life without me. He dosent need me. He's got everything that he wants now, all the success and fame. Me? If he leaves me...I have nothing. Tears starts falling again. I feel the shushing and a warm pat on my head from Professor Miyagi. His face looks as if he regretted giving me that idea. He hugged me and reassured that he was going to be there if anything happens.

"Pffftt, hahahaha!". I laughed. His dumb founded face was even more funny. I continued laughing while wiping my tears away. "haaaa, that was a good laugh. Thank you Professor Miyagi. But wont your young lover be super jelous if he heard that?" "Urkk..". I added when he knows I made a point "and arent you trying to comfort me because you have not finished with your report and wanting me to help you finish it by pulling an all nighter tonight?". "Urghhhh, my Hiroki...you sure are sharp at these things, huh? Well that wasnt my plan initially but since you said it that way ehehehe"

His lowly attempt at doing an ugly puppy dog eyes is annoying, but he did listen to me about Nowaki and I dont want to be alone tonight so, why not. I sighed and said "Okay Professor Miyagi, I will help you on condition that you brew more coffee for me!" "Yes, sir! Haha, great!" This is going to be a long night I talked to myself..


	2. Different scent

I came back to the house at 8 am. It was a holiday today. So I am going to laze the whole day. The most unexpected thing is that Nowaki is waiting for me at the couch with a tired look on his face. Is it me or does he look a little angry?

"Ah, Hiro-san. Welcome back. Its already morning. May I ask where have you been?". I avoided the question because i suddenly remembered crying my eyes out and said "Youre back early, never expected that you would. Did you come home for a change of clothes?" I loosen my tie without making eye contact with him.

Nowaki came closer to me, " Dont avoid the question please Hiro-san, where have you been all night without telling me?". "It is none of your business", i regretted saying that. Nowaki cornered me, "How could you say that?! I am your love-". He sniffed me "I-is that Professor Miyagi's perfume I smell on you?!".

In shock, I sniffed myself and remembered that i sprayed some of his perfume that he left on the table so that I wont reek as i burned the midnight oil yesterday without taking a bath. I panicked without reason, i pushed him away. "What if it was?! I was at the university yesterday helping him out on the lecturers thesis that we need to send in-". He cut me off by saying "You are lying!". Me? I told you the fucking truth you bastard!

"Dont get cocky you young brat! I am way older than you, I would not lie about this! Now get away from me! You are an eyesore!". Both of us gasped to my words. I am a literature expert. Words are my forte. But it seems at times like this, I can never find the right word to convey my feelings to the one i love. Oh my beloved.

Nowaki snapped as he hoist me up and threw me on the bed so violently. I petrified with fear as he had never done this to me before. He is really mad at me, what should i do? What should i say?

"Hiro-san should stop looking at me like I am a brat that seeks your attention?! When will you realize that I have become a man that may be equal to you?! It is not easy doing all of this?!". I realize that Nowaki was doing this as he is frustrated and tired of work thus it affected his behaviour. My heart aches and melts at the same time after hearing his words. I should be more considerate- "wait, what are you doing?!"

Nowaki bound my hands with my tie to the bed. I never liked being tied or forced, Nowaki knows this...why? Why is he doing this to me?

"I am tired of working the whole time, I wanted to touch you so badly. I regretted not spending enough time with you but I did not expect you to cheat on me?!". What did he say? I kicked him, he struggled to get a hold of me and i shouted "Who the fuck is cheating on you! Get off me you bastard, go cool off your head." I felt a dark glare coming from Nowaki as he said with a cold tone "No..."

He took of my pants and undies in a swift movement, exposing my embarrassing side. Even with force, as soon as Nowaki touches my body, it burns with desire. My hardened member seeks to be taken care off. Nowaki did so, sucking on it vigorously and at the same time pinching my sensitive nipples. "Aaaahhh..." As hard as I tried to stiffen my voice, soon the whole room was filled with gasping and panting noises coming from me.

With his fingers, he explores my most sensitive region. I arched back at the delight but gritted my teeth as he was a bit rough with me. I keep on saying no to him but he did not listen and continue to torture me. "I cant hold it in, bear with this" he said. I was confused at the time but was shocked soon after he pushed his rod into me with force and not slowing down. "Ahhhhh! Oooww! No-stop it! Nowak- Ahhh! Arggh!"

As his body moved, slamming into me with force, my moaning sound filled the room. Not just moaning with pleasure but in pain as well. I cried hard and my eyes hurt from crying too much. Why is he this violent? Cant we talk this one out? I hate this, Nowaki is not himself. As i continued to cry and moan, Nowaki showed expressions of regret and pleasure. "I craved for this for so long, Hiro-san, I missed you so much. I love you Hiro-san, I love you so m- Ahhh!". We both climaxed at the same time. He collapsed beside me, both of us panted and catched our breath. I did not know how Nowaki felt, but this sex was cruel. I continued to cry as I passed out from lack of sleep.


	3. What did I do?

"Hiro-san are you alright?!". I patted Hiro-san's cheeks gently as he shows no sign of waking up. I panicked. I checked his pulse, hear his breathing. It was fine, it seems that he just collapsed due to fatigue. "Hiro-san, I am so sorry. I dont- I dont know whats gotten into me. God, How could I have done this to him!". I loosened the tie that bound his hands to the bed. It left a mark, two red lines on both his wrist. I kissed it with full regret. "Hiro-san, Hiro-san, Hiro-san". I repeated his name in hope that he might wake up and forgive me. That will never happen, i thought to myself. I messed up big time.

I was tired from working continuously for nights. When Hiro-san put on hold his Professor title just for my sake, I was not as happy as I expected to be. He sacrificed something so important for my ego. Professor Miyagi hated me for that. He came to me directly and told me off, blaming me that Hiro-san is doing this for my sake and it is idiotic. I despised him for a moment, I was jelous of him. Why is he so close to Hiro-san? I noticed everything about Professor Miyagi, even HIS SCENT. Then I realize that he was right. Hiro-san's future, for my ego? Hiro-san is always so kind to me. And what have I done for him so far? I always come back late, miss out on dates and important celebrations. I am always making him wait. Always...

"I am so useless!". I gritted my teeth and hugged Hiro-san as tight as I can. "I love you so much, Hiro-san. So much." You are so dear to me Hiro-san. I dont want to hurt you ever again! I am so sorry. I teared up a bit due to my thoughts and gradually fell asleep.


	4. Im Cold

**Update! Thank you for reading my work as it is my very first. I have my own style of writing and the character****'s**** Point of View may change from one chapter to another. I hope you enjoy the continuation :)**

I woke up and it was already night. I stretched my hands to my side trying to seek for warmth. What was I hoping for? Of course he isnt here. There must be another emergency at the hospital. I should probably bathe I thought. I touched my hips, it was sore as i get up from the bed. Astonished by the fact that I was already clean. He must have cleaned me before going to work. Maybe he felt remorse after holding me with such...what am I saying? I am at fault too. I should have told him the truth with proper words.

I looked over the bedside, and saw a piece of paper with his hand writing on it.

"I am sorry, I will make up to you. Please rest well. -Nowaki"

I clenched on to the paper, curling up into the covers. As much as I miss him, I dont think I can meet up with him soon. What would I say?

Dont hate me. Please. -Nowaki, I'm cold.


	5. His Reaction

Another day goes by. I am at the University as usual giving out my lectures, students these days just dont appreciate literature I tell you! Professor Miyagi is going on about how he disappeared the day I cried was because he went on a secret date with his young lover. I was pissed by that and swore to myself, never tell that divorced man anything about my life and never help him with his job! Arghh, I am so pissed!

As for Nowaki? Its been a week since that incident, I wanted to talk it out with him. But we rarely meet. Our schedules never match. And even if we did meet, it would be an awkward short moment. "I dont know how to react", i sighed and placed my head on the table feeling depressed.

As soon as he says my name, it sends shivers to my spine. Was I reacting to him out of love or fear? He looked at me with such pained expression. Why did we both acted as if nothing has happened? We ended up talking about things that would distract us from the real topic. But my body did not forget that night. I locked my room at night to prevent him from entering. I heard him twisting the knob in the middle of the night but sighed as he could not enter. H did not want to disturb me so I thought. But I want to be disturbed, only by you. Feelings are so complicated!

My phone rings. Ah, I have a message from Nowaki.

"I can leave work early tonight, lets meet up at the family diner that you like at 8.30pm? I will see you there. I love you. -Nowaki"

I melt when I read the text. As i pushed my hair back I wonder why I love him so much?

Okay, lets make a plan! Yes, I should. Okay, I know that he would not talk about 'that' at the family restaurant, so lets start with a friendly conversation? Ummm, what should I say? "Nowaki, hey, how are you?" - NO! We are not distant friends for gods sake. Umm, "Hey Nowaki, you know about the other day, I was really telling you he truth so why are you mad-" Of course he would be mad! He dislikes Professor Miyagi for being close to me, I know that and i still waltzed into the house with his scent on me.

I got depressed thinking about this. I sat on the chair full with negativity that probably scared students coming to me for extra marks or lecture questions. I hate myself.


	6. The Breakup

I am at outside of the diner, and its 8.15 pm. Oh god, why am I so nervous. Is this how my students feels like when they are about to take my exam question? Okay, calm down me. Get your shit together Hiroki. You are going to put your ego down and apologize to him first! Be a man! Yes! I can do it! I can d- what if i cant? Urgh!

As I stood there waiting for Nowaki, and then I saw a familiar face. "Joshua?". "Hey Hiroki!" he talked in english and so did i "What is a foreigner doing here, you will scare off the japanese!" how nostalgic to meet a friend that was a transfer student at my university back in the old days. "Hey, is this how you greet your old friend, this is how you greet people in my country!", he hugged my to my surprise. "Hey! Stop it you muscle idiot" I pushed him aside as i know it was a joke.

But to Nowaki, it wasnt. While I was laughing and catching up with my old friend, he saw me. From the corner of my eye, I saw him glaring at me. I was freaked. Oh no, what have I done? Please dont misunderstand. "Nowak-" he turned and walked away before i finished. My body dashed towards him. I heard Joshua calling out for me, but i did not care. I chased after Nowaki. His broad back seems so far away from me.

"Nowaki, Nowaki, Nowaki!" I called for him, some were looking while I chased after him. I dont care! I continue to pursue him, then he stopped at the park that we always pass by that is in between home and his work. We both panted, tired from running.

Silence. Then he said "I cant do this anymore". I was shocked by those words, paralyzed. "What?- No, Nowaki plea-" "I CANT DO THIS ANYMORE!". He shouted. He rarely raise his voice at me.

"You are right, 4 years is a big gap. No matter how much I achieve in life, I will never catch up to you. There are always those who are better than me that can take my place as your lover. I was so lucky to have you with me.." he looked at me with such a painful expression. "Nowaki" I called out to him, grabbing his arm. Hoping that he would embrace me with his big, warm hands. Instead, he shrugged off my hand. "and so i thought i was lucky, I cant do this anymore".

"Nowaki? Plea-". What do you mean? Are you leaving me? NO! Let me explain!

"I will stay at the hospital tonight, you can go home now. Good bye, Hiro-san" he exclaimed as he walked away from me.

Why didnt I say anything? I was stiffened by whatever that was happening. "Nowaki, Nowaki, NOWAKI!" I called out to him with tears, he stopped but then continue walking without looking back. I fall down to my knees and cursed to myself.

"Stupid, STUPID! Why didnt you explain- say something at least. Now he is gone- hic, hic..he left me. Nowaki, I am cold". I hugged myself, as no one else can give me warmth except for him. I knew if I explained to him, he would not listen. So much for my plan.

I gathered all my strength together, dragged my feet back to the apartment. Its over. Its over. I have nothing. The man I love, left me.

My head was groggy, I didnt know what was happening around me. Heck, I didnt even care. My hair covered my crying face, no one should notice. I feel so shitty. Lights sparkled around me, so shiny, so bright. Its hurting my eyes. Its too bright! I looked to the right and I saw the light getting brighter. So bright. Then it hit me.

I was unaware of anything going on. But I had never felt so much pain in my life. Not just my heart but my whole body? What happened? "Kyaaa! Somebody help him! Stop that car! Call the ambulance!" I heard someone shouting. Why is that girl shouting? Whats going on? So noisy. It wet, it's not raining. I raised my hands and saw...blood. My vision hazes, but my vision of Nowaki never fades. He is always in my head. Nowaki. I lov-


	7. Useless Feelings

"No-wa-ki" i heard sempai's voice as he hugged me from behind. I pushed \ him aside with more force as I was not in the mood. "Whoa! Whats wrong? Having a bad day? That is so not like you! The children would be scared of you if you come to check up on them with that face".

I stayed silent as I did not want to think about it. Hiro-san. Who was that foreign guy hugging you? Is he someone special to you now? Is he-replacing me? I thought to myself and banged to the cabinet because I was so irritated.

Sempai was surprised, but he did not say anything. Our pages went off and says there is an emergency. I am not in such a good mood. I put on my robes then sempai stopped me, "Are you sure you are in the condition to save lives?"

My eyes widen by his statement and i glared at him. "Of course!". "Good" he said with a smile. "Lets go". As soon as we reach to the emergency room, there was a young lady by the side of the bed. A family member? I pulled her gently to the side and sempai checked on the patient. "Are you his wife? Sister?". "No, no, I dont know him. Please help him. There was a hit and run so I-", she started crying I reassured her that it was going to be alright. "Nowaki", I heard sempai calling my name and as I turned I saw a familiar face on the hospital emergency bed covered with blood. "Hiro-san..."

No, this cant be. I just saw him and he is on the way home. No! "Hiro-san! Hiro-san!" I called him but he did not move or responded. "Calm down Nowaki! Lets get him to the surgery room!". I calmed myself, "Yes, okay. Hiro-san. Please! Please hold on! Dont die on me!"

The surgery was about to take place. The head doctor was soon informed by sempai that I had a connection with the patient. The head doctor thought it was connection by blood and he stopped me from taking part in the surgery as I would mix my emotions with work. "But doctor, I became a doctor for his sake! Please let me perform surgery on him!". "You took an oath, I dont want to take any chances, the patient is loosing blood as it is. Now get out!" the head doctor said.

I walked along the hallway so mad, blood is rushing to my head. I kicked the wall, I cursed! I became a doctor for Hiro-san's sake. And now you are telling my I cant save him with my own hands?! Thats cruel! I hit the wall again and thought No- I am cruel. I did this to Hiro-san. I am so sorry! I am so sorry Hiro-san. I cried my eyes out at the edge of the hallway. The nurses dont dare come close to me as some of them know who that patient is to me. My significant other.

The wait was killing me! I walked around the hallway for three hours. Anxiety is pushing me to my limit but I am helpless. All I did was pray. Please let Hiro-san be safe. Please let him live. I dont ever want to let go of him!

The sign of the 'surgery in process' dimmed after 4 hours of waiting, and a doctor came out from the room. I rushed to him, shocked him a little but the head doctor reassured me he is alive. I was- so relieved! I felt like my knees were going weak but I held my position. Stayed professional. The head doctor asked me to come with him to where Hiro-san is moved to.

"Lets see, a broken arm, broken rib, there is a crack on his head that caused some concussions but it is not too serious. Hmmm, major blood loss but its a good thing we are stocked up on 'A' blood type. Sprained leg, damage on certain part of his organs. It is bad but it could have been worse. He needs a long time to heal. Okay Nowaki?" the head doctor explained.

"Yes sensei, thank you so much for helping my cousin. I am so sorry for raising my voice at you in the surgery room." I lied about Hiro-san being my distant cousin to him. "Dont sweat it, as long as the patient is alive, hmmm, then ill transfer his care to you then Nowaki." "Yes sensei."

Hiro-san is breathing through the oxygen mask, he looks so pale and weak. His breathing is a bit slow but its fine. Looking at the IV needle stuck in his arm and bandages covering his body breaks my heart. I never thought that I would see him like this. This is all my fault. If only I had not acted like the brat that I was back then and try to reason with Hiro-san in a more proper manner would have been good. Lately I let my anger get the best of me. Now my most beloved person paid the consequences of my stupidity.

I grabbed Hiro-san hand, it was cold. I want to warm him up, but I must control myself. He is badly hurt. I stroked on his hair, then his cheeks as gently as I could and called out his name repeatedly. "Hiro-san".

For an hour I just sat there and then Hiro-san hand started to twitch. I quickly reacted to it, I called his name more and gently stroking his hair. His eyes opened a bit, blank and expressionless. "Hiro-san, its me, you are alright now. I am here, I-I am so sorry, Hiro-san. Its me, Nowaki".

Hiro-san's lip moved as he saw me, "No, please dont stress yourself, calm down. You can tell me later. Ill call the doct- Oh thats me. Ill do a check up on you now." I wiped off my tears, I am not thinking straight. God, I was so worried. I almost lost him. He must be in so much pain, should I call sempai to check on him instead? As I wanted to leave the room then i felt a light tug on my robe.

"Aaa...ah...Nn- aa" Hiro-san is trying to say something. I leaned over to kiss him on the forehead, calmed him down. "Shhh, its okay. You will be fine. I love you so much Hiro-san". To my surprise, Hiro-san shed tears. I thought he was in pain, I started to panic. But then he gripped on my hand and said with a course voice "M-m-me too". I was speechless. I smiled so gladly and cried as I was so glad that he is alright. I cant control my emotions, I hugged him with caution making sure he was not in more pain. Maybe it was my imagination but I heard Hiro-san's light giggle. I raised my head and saw he was already asleep. I kissed his unbroken hand lightly and thanked everyone in my head for saving the person I cherish the most.


	8. Big Dummy

Its so painful. Where am I? I dont remember- what just happened. I hear voices around me. Please help me, I cant leave just like this! I must see Nowaki!

A bright light in front of my eyes, I hear my name being called in the voice that I recognize. Where is it coming from? Nowaki? I was finally able to move my hands. I slowly opened my eyes. So painful. I dont recognize this room. Where am I? I-isthat you Nowaki? Ahhh, it is. Nowaki! Quick I must tell you that I am sorry, I don want to lose you! Say something! Owwww!

No- no! Dont leave me! Grab hold of him! Good now say it! "Aaa...ah...Nn- aa" my voice wont come out!

Soon I felt reassured as I feel Nowaki big hands caressing me as. And then I heard him say "I love you". Oh Nowaki. I am so glad. "M-m-me too". His face was shocked and he starts crying. Haha, Dont cry you big dummy. I am alright. This is nothing!

I fell into deep sleep.


	9. I want to see you!

Waking up seeing white walls. I am in a room that was too neat to be my house and it seems to be filled with flowers that I did not know of white kind but it sure is beautifu- wait?! Where the heck am I?! This is not the time to be admiring flowers!

The door slided open. A familiar, relieved face entered the room.

"Thank god, Hiro-san! You are finally awake! I was so worried!" , he came rushing to me with another bouquet of flowers in his hands. "How are you feeling, is the pain unbearable? Are you hungry?! I can ask the nurses to prepare proper food for you. You have been tube fed this entire time and you need more nutritions", he kept on talking and asking me questions. He understood that I could not answer them all but he still keeps on talking with such relief on his face.

As dumbfounded I am as to why am I in the Hospital, I am just happy to see Nowaki again. This time he is not avoiding me or mad. He is back to the Nowaki I used to know.

"How long was I asleep?", my voice sounded shaky and slow. I tried to to move and get up but as soon as I did, I regretted it. Pain shoots throughout my body, I tried to hold it in. But ouch, what happened to me?

"Hiro-san you cant do that! Dont move, you will make your wounds worse! Stay down please. You have been sleeping for three days now. You woke up once but it seems you didnt remember. It might have been due to the concussion." He sat down on a chair in front of the bed. As he blabbers away about the medical terms that was foreign to me, I was still clueless on what had really happened.

"W-what happened to me?", as I asked Nowaki, his face turned sad and full of regret. He explained to me that I was in an accident on my way home, a car hit me and it was a hit and run. They are investigating on the driver as a girl that helped me during the accident saw the plate number of the car. So that explains the pain. Drivers these days, I am just glad my condition is not that bad. I think...

Nowaki held my hand and i jolted as my mind was occupied with thoughts. "Everything that happened to you is my fault! I am so sorry Hiro-san, you got hurt because of me- if i had not acted like a brat you would have been..." he starts sobbing. Oy, you are a grown man, dont cry like that, i talked to myself but my small grin was showing on my face.

I reached for his cheeks that was slightly flushed, caressed it. He looked up to me with widened puppy eyes which almost makes me want to laugh at the sight of it.

"Can you repeat to me the words you said to me before?" I said to him with a weak voice.

"Eh?" he was confused. I smiled and said "With me like this, useless and weak, would you still love me?"

His eyes widened to my question, he got up with such speed and shouted "Of course I would still love you! I love you no matter what happens to you! Dont say something like that! Dont...I love you Hiro-san. Im sorry, its just I am so glad you are alive. And- and its all my fault!" he hugged me ever so gently and it melted my heart as I felt drips of water on my shoulder. I hope I am forgiven for my mistakes.

I pushed him away gently, smiled even when I am in pain and still lying down. "Thank you for loving me, I love you too you big dummy. Im glad that things turn out like this."

I tried laughing a bit but the pain alone did not stop me. Nowaki did by shouting "Dont say you are glad that you are hurt! Dont!" again with his pouting face.

"Okay, okay. I get it", lets change the subject to cheer him up. "Why are there so many flowers in the room, I am a man you know! These are all from you isnt it!".

He looks away and said "Not all of it, some is from Professor Miyagi, and your parents...even Usami-san came by. A few students came to see you too. And these are from me". He showed to me a bouquet of roses in light pink and little of yellow shade. "Its called baby romantica roses, they are my favourite as I dont know what yours is because we never talked about it..."

I looked at it, its beautiful. I smiled automatically and said "Well its not like a man would enjoy flowers that much but the thought of it counts. I like it, thanks Nowaki". He smiled a bit but still looks dejected. HUH? "W-w-wait! Did you say my parents came to visit me?! Did you meet them?! You better not say anything weird! Ow, ow, ow"

"Calm down Hiro-san, I did no such thing. I only said that we are housemates and friends. They were relieved that I can take care of you during their holiday to Europe for 3 weeks. They said they would call you daily to check up on you" he claimed.

"Sheesh, their son is on the hospital bed and they are enjoying themselves in Europe, they better buy me something good!" I tried to joke around. The atmosphere was a bit off. What should I do to make nowaki smile warmly at me again?

"Hey, Nowaki- umm you know-" just as I was about to finish my sentence, I heard an annoying voice that I never enjoy hearing...apart from Miyagi's voice.

"Kamijou Hiroki-kun! I see that you are awake. My, my, I dont know whether to call you a sleeping beauty or snow white and your prince charming is next to you. How lucky, I am so jealous of this sight." Its the devil doctor, Dr. Tsumori.

"Sempai" Nowaki's face looks dejected to him too but then he continued "Can you give Hiro-san his check up, my pager just rang and I have to report to the emergency room now".

Tsumori looked at Nowaki with a slight glare and closed his eyes. "Yeah, i'll do it". "Thanks sempai, ill be going now Hiro-san. Sempai will check up on you" he looked at me and kissed me on the forehead. What just happened? Why is Nowaki acting like this?

Nowaki left the room, leaving me and Tsumori alone. I actually do not like this situation. I saw the beds remote on my left, i grabbed it and tilted the bed so that I could sit up.

"Hey, Hiroki-kun dont do that. You should rest more! Lie down so I can check up on you". He advanced to me and wanting to take the remote from my hand.

I prevented him to do so. "I want to sit up, I am fine. I dont want you to check up on me like I am some kind of weak animal. And please call me Kamijo from now on."

"Thats harsh Hiroki-kun, you dont have to be so tense with me. If you continue to act this way, ill tease you more and may get turned on. Hehe."

My veins popped! The fuck is wrong with this guy! I told him to call me by my last name and whats this about turning him on?! "The fuck are you talking about, thats it! Get out of my room, I dont need a doctor like you to check up on me. Leave me alone!" I threw things at him while saying that but after that I felt so much pain and I got dizzy. I was about to collapse.

Tsumori grabbed a hold of me, tried to calm me down. "Okay, okay. I am sorry! I shouldnt have joked like that, it was unprofessional of me. Calm down Kamijou-kun. You will make your condition worse."

I pushed him aside, I was in pain and I dont like people touching me. He sighed. "I have to do a check up on you, its my duty. Ill do it seriously this time, im sorry. Kamijou-kun I want you to take a deep breath then exhale."

I did what he told me to. He checked my heart beat with his cold stethoscope that made me jolted as it touched my chest. He then ask me questions on where I am hurting and all. I hesitated but answered his questions honestly and he jotted something down on a note pad.

"I will ask the nurses to clean you up before giving you lunch. Please eat your medicines, ill come again for your check up. Get some rest okay, Kamijou-kun?"

As he was about to leave the room I stopped him by asking "Why did Nowaki refuse to do the check up on me himself?"

He looked at me with a small smile, "So you noticed, huh?". I nodded and said "He lied about his pager ringing. If it was I would have heard it too."

Tsumori came closer to me and sat down on the chair. "You are very sharp about these things Kamijou-kun." he smiled. "I am surprised."

"Answer my question" I demanded.

"Okay, okay. Calm down. You see, when you came to the hospital, before that I mean, Nowaki was such in a bad mood. I dont want to ask what happened but I think I could guess. When he saw at the emergency room all covered in blood, he panicked and kept on shouting your name. He was prevented to do a surgery on you as he was in no condition to save a life. He was angry and so dejected while waiting for your surgery to be over. I never saw him like that."

"Did something happen while I was sleeping for 3 days? B-because he still looks so down till now, and he dosent look at me the same way." I mumbled a bit at the end. Honestly I was a bit happy when I heard that he cared for me, but knowing Nowaki that must have been a terrible situation for him.

"Hmm? He did tell me you woke up for a while after the surgery. I dont know what happed at that time but during the three days you were sleeping, Nowaki was always by your side during his free time. Day and night. I overheard him saying that he loves you, wishing you would wake up soon and blames himself for your condition."

I raised up a bit upon hearing that, "This is not his fault! Why would he- Ow, oww..."

"Dont do that Kamijou-kun, I know what you meant. But you have to calm down. If your condition gets worse, Nowaki would be more worried."

I blushed a bit by his comment. I dont want Nowaki to worry about me further. I-its not your fault, Nowaki. Thoughts were running around in my head, I stared at my hands for a while not realizing that Tsumori already left the room. Maybe he thought it was best for me to be left alone. I dont want to be alone.

I want to see Nowaki!


	10. Pathetic

I did my rounds. Check on the children in the hospital. I am done with my job for now. Emergency cases decreased after- Hiro-san accident. I cant think about that, I would get depressed every time I think about it. Thank god Hiro-san is awake now. He must be in such pain. I should buy him his favourite food and pudding. Ill buy it tonight. Sempai should be done treating Hiro-san by now. Maybe I should go see him.

I walked with fast pace to Hiro-san's room. But then I saw Professor Miyagi just exiting his room. My feet stopped. He saw me. He is the last person I want to see.

"G-good afternoon, Miyagi-san." I cant make eye contact with him.

"Yo, it must be tough doing your job. Are you done with your rounds Nowaki?" he said with a tern face.

"Yes, how is Hiro-san doing now?". Ah, I asked the wrong question.

"Why are you asking me? You are his doctor. But it seems to me another doctor was doing a check up on Hiroki-kun. I wonder why is that huh." he glared at me.

We last saw each other after Hiro-san's accident. He was worried about Hiro-san, then he saw me. He turned furious and forced me to tell him what happened. He knew it was my fault. I cant look at him, and I said "Yeas, well. I thought a senior of mine who is a more capable doctor should look after Hiro-san."

He was staring at me, and his words stabbed me like a knife. "You're pathetic". He walked passed me. I was angry but I could not fight back. He- he was right. I am pathetic.

I entered Hiro-sans room and saw Hiro-san was sleeping. He barely touched his food. He should eat more. I sighed as I know Hiro-san was always a poor eater. I put away his food, lowered his bed so he would be more comfortable. I sat down while grabbing Hiro-san cold hand gently. Ah, he woke up.

"N-nowaki?" his voice was weak and it seems like he has a dry throat.

"Yes, I am here Hiro-san. I am sorry I woke you. Are you feeling better? Do you want anything?" I cant stand the sight of Hiro-san looking so weak and hurt.

"I am fine Nowaki, dont worry about me. Umm. I want to talk to you about something." He wants to sit up. Its no use for me to be avoiding this now. I would stress him more. So I raised his bed and make sure he was comfortable. "Yes, Hiro-san?"

"Um- Y-you know I heard from sempai about y-you." he looks a little hesitant to talk about this. That sempai, always creating trouble. Everyone has something to say about me. I know that I am inept, you dont have to shove it at my face. I know how unsuitable I am for Hiro-san. If it wasnt for me, Hiro-san would never- had gotten hurt.

I looked down and asked Hiro-san "What did sempai said about me? Hmph, did he comment about me about being useless?" Oh no. I am getting angry again.

"What?! No your sempai would never do that. You see, it is about the accident. I- i want you to know that all of this was not your fault Nowaki. It is mine. I wasnt attentive enough t-"

I cant take it anymore, how can you be so calm Hiro-san?! You should blame it on me.

"Of course it was my fault! If I had not left you at the park that night, you would not have gotten into an accident. This is what I hate about you Hiro-san! You always forgive me so easily. I cant stand this side of YOU!" I shouted my lungs out. I was so angry.

"H-hate? Nowaki, I a-am sorry." Tears starts flowing down Hiro-san's cheeks. No, I didnt mean that. I am just angry- Miyagi-san was right. I am pathetic. I cant take care of Hiro-san. I am useless to him. I was lucky to have him, but I am not worthy.

I should...leave Hiro-san. Its for his own good.

I cringe a little then looked away. "Hiro-san. I have done some thinking... that maybe you and I should not be together anymore."

"Wh-what?! Why?! Nowaki please dont do this! Nowaki! Nowaki! P-please let me explain. Hear me out! I-" Hiro-san cried even more to my words. I dont like to see Hiro-san like this. But I have to do it. It s for his own good, no matter how much I love him.

I felt a tap on my shoulder, I looked behind me- sempai? He punched me with all his might. I fell down to the floor and my nose was bleeding.

"What the fuck are you thinking? You're pathetic." sempai said that to me. The word I despised the most. 'Pathetic'.

"Did you not claim that you loved Hiroki the most. It was not entirely your fault that he got into an accident, but he was going to forgive you anyway! Instead of being thankful, you are acting like a dick and say you're leaving him?! You fucking retard." Sempai was shouting. The nurses outside were terrified but then they closed the door to make sure other patients wont see us fighting.

"This is non of your business sempai!" I got up and held him by his collar. "Didnt you say that you wont butt into other peoples business?!" I growled at him.

"You made it my business when you put Hiroki under my care. You have been such a dick this past few months. Getting all cocky and pissy because you became the head doctors favourite! Hiroki dosent deserve a pathetic guy like you! I think he is better off with me!"

I got so angry, I shoved sempai and start punching him. Sempai struggled then returned my punch. We continued fighting till we heard a loud thud sound. We both stopped, we looked over the bed and saw Hiro-san on the floor heavily panting.

I got up and rushed over to Hiro-san. "H-Hiro-san, Hiro-san! Are you alright?! Calm down." I picked him up into my arms while i was kneeling on the ground. Hiro-san was hyperventilating. This happens due to stress. I placed my hand on his chest.

Then I heard Hiro-san weak voice, "S-st-op fighting. N-nowaki. I- im sorry" Hiro-san was gasping for air. He cant stop hyperventilating. He grabbed on my arm and tears still flows from his eyes. My heart seizes. Sempai took the oxygen mask, turned it on and passed it to me. I put it on Hiro-san's mouth.

"Hiro-san, please calm down. Shhh. Breath properly. Inhale and exhale. Please calm down." He tried to do so, but then his grip on my arm was loosening. His eyes were only half open. "N-nowak-". Hiro-san called my name before fainting. His hand fell on the floor and his body went limp. What did I do?! Hiro-san!

Sempai helped me put Hiro-san back to his bed. We cleaned ourself up a bit and started to do a check up on Hiro-san. I called in the nurses outside for some help and equipment. Hiro-san sprained leg was swollen. His breathing was a bit off. His head was bleeding a little. The stitches must have opened. There was nothing much that we can do apart from treating his outer injuries. We brought him to the x-ray room to check on further injuries to the bone. What...did I do? Hiro-san.


	11. Forgiving is not easy

The next day, both me and sempai was called to the head doctors office. We were scolded badly as not only we fought in a patients room but the patient sustained more injuries because of us. The head doctor asked us what happened. I was reluctant to say anything but then sempai explained. He took all the blame. The head doctor was reluctant to punish us, so he only gave us a warning. He was understanding but made us swear that

this would not happen the second time.

As we left the room and stood at the empty hallway, I asked sempai "Why did you took all the blame?" eventhough we got equal punishments, i still wanted to ask.

"Because I am the senior. Besides I punched you first. You deserved it but- yeah." We both stayed silent. Then sempai broke the silence. "I was jealous of you."

"What?" I did not understand what sempai was saying. Jealous?

"Yeah, even though I am ahead of you but for you to achieve what you have now is not that easy. I know. It was hard for me too. To see a junior under me complete everything with such ease made me pissed. Plus that- I think I have fallen for Hiroki."

"You cant have him! He is mine!" I wont let sempai take him away from me. Hiro-san is my everything.

"I know, took you long enough to realize. Sheesh." sempai was sighing as he checked his pager. "Eh?" I dont understand what sempai is trying to say.

"Look, everyone gets angry. Even I did. Im sorry about that but you should think about Hiroki. How could you get his hopes up by saying you love him and you hate him the next day. Are you playing with his feelings?!" Sempai was saying all of that with a stern tone.

"No, I was not...I-I wanted Hiro-san to be happy. So I thought, he would be better off without me." I looked down to my shoes. It was my fault he got hurt.

"Are you an idiot! He is head over heels in love with you! He always comes by the hospital looking and waiting for you! He dislikes other people touching or calling him by his first name. But not you! You should stop acting like an idiot and think straight! God, whats gotten into you!" sempai is getting angry again.

But what sempai said made me realize. I have been an idiot. A real idiot. Hiro-san was trying to explain but I shut my ears. He wanted to apologize but I left him instead. He was going to forgive me...and I ended up saying I hate him. I am such an asshole. I realize all of this and knelt to the floor. Hiro-san is injured more because of me now.

Sempai stared at me and turned around. "I hope you noticed what a big dick you are now. I will leave Hiroki's care to you. See you later." sempai walked away.

"Hey, sempai." I called him, he stopped and looked back at me. "Thanks for everything...and please dont call Hiro-san by his first name." I smiled lightly too him. Even sempai grinned at me.

"Okay, okay. I got it you big dick. See ya." Sempai walked away.

I got up as I now have to deal with a much bigger problem. Hiro-san. I went to his room. When I opened the door, the sight killed me. Hiro-san was sitting up but is staring blankly to the tv in front of him.

Since this morning, Hiro-san has not said a word to anyone. He woke up silent. Me and sempai asked him questions but as he looked at my face, his face looked sad and frightened. Even when Miyagi-san came over as he usually does every morning, Hiro-san did not utter a word. He sat there like a doll, unexpressive. Miyagi-san was pissed at me as he knows this is my fault. He did not do anything but he warned me "If this goes on, you bastard. Hiroki would be staying with me. Get out of my sight."

Now i realize that I dont want to hand Hiro-san to anyone. I am so stupid realizing this now. I love Hiro-san so much! I promised to treasure him more. But what I am doing is the exact opposite.

I closed the door behind me. Walked to Hiro-san and shut off the tv. I sat down to talk to him. "Hiro-san, can you hear me? Please look at me Hiro-san. I want to talk to you."

Nothing came out from his mouth. His silence may be caused by the trauma.

I grabbed hold of his hand and called out his name. He jolted and pulled his hand away. Hiro-san was shivering slightly. He- is afraid of me.

It took so long for me to get through the wall that Hiro-san build around him to protect himself. But when he exposed his vulnerability to me, I ended up crushing him! This is my karma. But the one suffering the most is Hiro-san. Not me.

"Hiro-san, please listen to me. I wont get angry at you anymore. I promise." I got up and sat on his bed. He looked away and starts to move further from me. I dont want him to fall off his bed again so I grabbed on to him. He was afraid and starts to push me away.

"G-get away from me!" Hiro-san finally spoke. But such sad words.

"Hiro-san please listen to me. I want to apologize, I am so sorry. I really regret what I have done to you. Please, please listen to me." I tried to reason with him in a gentle tone. I was careful with my words.

Hiro-san was shaking. "Please- leavee me alone. I dont want to talk to you- right now." Hiro-san looked away.

"No, I have made up my mind. I will not leave you ever again no matter what. I love you so much. Please dont be scared of me. I am not mad anymore. My heart feels so tight. I cant stand seeing Hiro-san so broken.

"Y-y-you're lying" Hiro-san voice was shaky as he starts to cry. He continued by saying "You h-hate me right? You dont love me. All you said way a lie. H-how can I believe you ?" He is sobbing. He must be in so much pain. How many time does this make, that I have made him cry?

I hugged him carefully. He protested by trying to push me away with his weak hands but I did not budge. If i did, I feel like it would be over for us. "Dont cry Hiro-san, please I beg of you. I will apologize as many times as you want. I am sorry. I did not mean it when I said I hate you. I was just angry. And i let it out on you. I am so sorry!" my voice was full of remorse. I stroked on his hair gently as I did not want to touch the stitches on his head that is still healing.

"You promised that you would treasure me..." Hiro-san added. A knife went through my heart.

"I know, I am really sorry." I cant retort. What he said was true. I did the exact opposite of my promise.

"You said you would never leave me..." Hiro-san's voice sounded more sad and hoarse.

"Im sorry..." I cant say anything else.

"I am not cheating on you- w-why would you say that?! You d-didnt listen to me." his sobbings got louder.

I hugged him a bit tighter. I made sure to look out for his injuries. "I-I am really sorry. I have been such a horrible partner to you."

I looked at his crying face. And he just stared at me with tears filling his eyes. His face is flushed. "Would you forgive me for being such an idiot Hiro-san?" I said to him.

Hiro-san continued to stare at me. He did not say a single word but just kept on crying. I knew I couldnt be forgiven that easily. I hugged him again then patted on him gently, tried to hush him. If he keeps on crying, it would stress the body and his eyes will get more swollen then it already is. Hiro-san grabbed on my robe and he starts to calm down. I held him until he stopped crying. "I am so sorry Hiro-san. I love you so much." I said to him.

After that...Hiro-san caught a high fever.


	12. Memories, gone

39.2 C. That is a very high fever. A fever can cause the pain or injuries to the bone hurt twice as more. It also slows down the body's metabolism and it would take a longer time for any injuries to heal.

Hiro-san is suffering. Me and sempai took turns to look after him. His cheeks are red, he is breathing heavily. We tried to cool down his temperature by placing cold towels on his forehead, wiped his body, gave him medicines. The fever is not going down so easily. Hiro-san looks as if he is in so much pain. The pain from his wounds must hurt more. His broken hand and ribs is painful enough as it is. I am stressed out thinking about this. This is my fault.

Sempai didnt ask me anything on this matter and I am glad he didnt. It was my turn to take care of Hiro-san tonight. He has been having this cold since yesterday. It only went down a bit. As I walked to the room, a nurse stopped me.

"Dr. Nowaki, the patient in room 213 is not eating. He refused meals since this afternoon. I am worried that his condition might get worse." nurse Ayumi told me so.

"I bought for him his favourite food, I hope that he would eat this. Dont worry, I will take care of him tonight. If I need anything, I will let you know right away." I gave them a professional smile but that wont fool them. I am worried too.

I entered Hiro-san's room, there Hiro-san lies on the bed covered with blankets and breathing heavily. I came over to him, but he was sleeping. His eyebrows are furrowing. He must be in pain. I caressed his cheek and called his name. He didnt wake up. I tapped on his cheek gently with the back of my fingers and called out his name again. Hiro-san moved and opened his eyes slowly.

He did not say anything but just stared at me with a blank, painful expression.

"Hiro-san, I heard from the nurse that you have been refusing meals. You cant do that Hiro-san, you need to eat more. If you continue like this I would have to give you IV drips." I explained to him, he said nothing. I sighed and continued "I bought you some nyikujaga from that restaurant that you love. Why dont you eat some, okay? I will feed you."

Hiro-san shook his head gently, he dosent want it. Why wont he eat? This is his favourite. Is the fever making him loose appetite or is it too painful for him to eat? Either way, he has to eat something. If he dosent then he shall be tube fed and put on IV.

"Please eat something, okay Hiro-san? I'll raise the bed now. Come." I grabbed on the remote of the bed but he pushed my hand and Hiro-san said with a broken voice, "N-no. I dont wa-nt it. Leave me a-lone." I am devastated to hear his words. I understand that he does not want to talk to me but he needs to eat. For the past week that Hiro-san has been in the hospital, he has lost so much weight. Even though I bought for him various kinds of foods, he would only eat small portions of it. He ate a few pieces of his favourite green tea milk candy but that's it. It is not enough.

"Hiro-san, please dont be difficult. Please, just eat. I will leave as soon as you finish eating. Please!" I have become desperate. Hiro-san was not affected by my pleading. He looked the other way, signaling that he wants me to leave. I sighed. This is my punishment but Hiro-san is the one suffering. I left the room.

The nurses looked at me with concern. I told them to tube feed Hiro-san some food and give him drips of IV. They understood and worked on it immediately. I rested in the doctors locker room. Opened my phone to see a picture of me an Hiro-san. It brings me back memories. This is when I wanted to go to the festival with him. He did not want to watch the fireworks from home because he is afraid I might do something weird to him. I would pounce on him if we were at home. He wore the yukata I got for him. Looking so appealing and sexy. Since he always wears light colors, i bought a yukata that was more to my tone. Deep blue, it was almost similar to mine and that made him more embarrassed. Knowing Hiro-san, he would never decline any gifts from me, instead he treasures each gift.

I smiled like an idiot in this picture. Hiro-san looked as shy as always. We were both happy that time. But I destroyed our relationship. Hiro-san despises me now. Not even wanting to see my face.

But I wont give him up. Not again, not ever.

After my rest, I went to Hiro-san's room again. He was fast asleep now. His hand was pierced with a needle for the IV drips to flow. I came closer to his bed, finding Hiro-san's face looking ever so paled. It worries me. I cant touch him or hold his hand. There is not a part of his body that is not feeling any pain. I checked the records and saw that his last temperature is 38.5C. It has gone down, but it is still a perfect cold. I touched his forehead, feeling his temperature is warm. Hiro-san jerked to my touch. Did I wake him?

He moved his head slightly and was mumbling. I heard him calling out my name, "No-waki."

He is talking in his sleep? He- is dreaming about me. It brought me to tears. "I am here, I am here for you Hiro-san. You must be in pain, I will be right here with you. Just get some rest." I leaned over to kiss his forehead.

Hiro-san did not react to it, he continued sleeping. I watched him sleeping and I dozed off next to his hand.

The morning rays warmed up my face. But I still feel so sleepy. I am dreaming of Hiro-san smiling face. That sight would make me automatically smil

"Hey, Nowaki. Get up!" I heard someone calling me in my sleep. I woke up immediately. The one who called out to me was sempai. "Why did you sleep like that, you could have used the sofa bed you know." Sempai stated.

"Ah, I just fell asleep here." I looked at the bed seeing Hiro-san already awake and sitting up with the bed inclined a bit. "Hiro-san?" He did not smile at me. He just looked at me with a straight face and said nothing. Ah, I see. "I'm sorry I slept here. I must have bothered you. I will take my leave now." I got up and before leaving the room I told sempai to do the check up on Hiro-san.

"You owe me a bottle of wine, Nowaki!" sempai said to me. I nodded and catch once last glimpse at Hiro-san's face. I missed his happy, smiling face. SO much.


	13. I was willing to forgive

Two more medicines to take, I dont like bitter things. But I know Nowaki would get angry if I dont finish it. I toughen up, swallowed the remaining medicine and chugged down a glass of water. Urgh, Bitter.

As I look outside the window, you can see patients strolling with their visitors...their loved ones. I saw a grandmother on a wheelchair, pushed by her grandchild. It looked dangerous but she was smiling, and so was the little girl. I saw a father just leaving the hospital with his wife, and his new born baby. They all look so happy. Cant I be like that?

Ah, the medicine is taking effect. I feel sleepy. I did not realize I fell asleep till I felt movements and a warm hand grasping on mine. I opened my eyes, I saw Nowaki. I called out his name, I am happy to see that face.

He was worried about me, asked me so how was I feeling. "I am fine Nowaki, dont worry about me. Umm. I want to talk to you about something." I said to Nowaki. He agreed and sat down. I dont know why but he looks so frustrated. Did something happen?

"Um- Y-you know I heard from sempai about y-you." Why am I stuttering?! Just tell him now. It is not his fault this happened to me, it was mine. He would listen to me, he always does. But as I look at him, his frown turned into something more bitter. He uttered so many things that I did not meant, that I did not understand.

"What did sempai said about me? Hmph, did he comment about me about being useless?"

Eh? No. Its not like that, Nowaki...whats gotten into you? Thoughts circling in my head. Its not your fault, that is what I wanted to say-

"Of course it was my fault! If I had not left you at the park that night, you would not have gotten into an accident. This is what I hate about you Hiro-san! You always forgive me so easily. I cant stand this side of YOU!"

Nowaki said that with a voice so high it petrified me. "H-hate? Nowaki, I a-am sorry." I said as I could not hold back my tears. No! Dont hate me, you said you loved me...was everything a lie. I wanted us to be happy. But why are you-

"Hiro-san. I have done some thinking... that maybe you and I should not be together anymore." Nowaki's face looked away from my eyes.

My heart felt like it has been pierced with a thousand needles. I pleaded to him but he did not hear me. He shut his ears. You are leaving me?! But you promised you would never- Ah, my lungs refuses to breathe. It seized. I- I cant breath. It hurts!

My tears however did not stop. Why is this happening to me?!

To my shock I saw Tsumori walked in the room as door the was already opened. He punched Nowaki. Why? They argued something that I could not comprehend. Whats going on?! Nowaki starts punching Tsumori, they fought.

"Stop! Stop it! STOP IT! Dont fight!" they are not listening to me! Why are you fighting?! Stop, just stop! I reached out for Nowaki, in hope that if he sees me, he would stop doing this. Just listen to me Nowaki. I want to tell you something! I am wrong! I want to apologize! You are not at fault! Stop this, STOP-

I lost balance of my body, I am falling from the bed. I couldnt grab on to anything. My left arm is broken, my right hand failed me. I dropped on the floor hard.

Ow...the dizziness and the pain is killing me. Its hard for me to breathe.

I heard my name being called in the voice that I love, "H-Hiro-san, Hiro-san! Are you alright. Calm down." Nowaki? It hurts so much, i feel something gushing from my head. Make the pain stop. My heart aches. Ah, you were fighting...

"S-st-op fighting. N-nowaki. I- im sorry" I said using the last of my breath. My vision is fading. I hear panicked noises all over the room. My last thought was that Nowaki is not the person i used to know anymore. Not the man that I loved.

[authors note : This is Hiroki's view point for the previous 3 chapters. Sorry it took so long. I hope you like the continuation]


	14. Second chances

Waking up with intense pain both physically and mentally. The feeling that you just lost something dear to you is just unbearable. Knowing a person that you love...hates you. I was traumatized by the whole incident. I cant fathom so many things happening at once. I just wanted to be left alone now. I dont want anyone near me. Dont ask me about what just happened! I feel like I could break down any moment now! Everything happened too fast, it brought me to think that I dont want to live anymore.

Doctors and nurse came into the room. I could not care less about what they have to say or ask. I kept on silent as I have nothing to say. Professor Miyagi came over, he looked so concern. He asked me questions too. I dont want to answer it. I dont want to share anymore stories with him. Im sorry professor. I just dont want to talk...

The day passed by as if I was living in torture. The pain is never ending, the painkillers is not enough. So many things going on in my head but at the same time I feel blank. Lifeless to be exact. I stared at the tv then it suddenly switched off. I only realized then that Nowaki was in the room. No, get out! I dont want to talk to you. Not now...Its just painful even looking at you.

Nowaki called out to my name. I dont want to respond. I am afraid that if I will, Nowaki might hate me more! He would get mad at me, scold me with his poisonous tone. He held my hand and I pulled away. Why are you doing this to me? I asked in my head. I hear Nowaki's voice. He wanted to apologize and asked me to listen to him. Do you think what you are saying now matters to me. That it would affect me?! I keep on asking you for forgiveness, I want to explain but you never listen! Now you say you are sorry?!

He sat on the bed and got closer to me. My immediate action was put into words, "G-get away from me!". Dont touch me, you caused me to suffer so much.

Nowaki continued pleading. But I said "Please- leavee me alone. I dont want to talk to you- right now." the words came from my heart.

He then said things in quite a high tone, saying that he has 'made up his mind', 'never leaving me', and that 'he loves me'.

ALL LIES!

"Y-y-you're lying"

"You h-hate me right? You dont love me. All you said way a lie. H-how can I believe you ?"

He explained further but I did not listen. He hugged me but i want to push him away. I am too weak. I cried so much. IT HURTS!

"You promised that you would treasure me..."

"You said you would never leave me..."

"I am not cheating on you- w-why would you say that?! You d-didnt listen to me."

Nowaki only apologized hearing my words. He hugged me tighter, I cant push him away, not because I am just weak right now but its because of...how much I still love him. With everything happening, I just cant. Not right now. I want to consider leaving you, maybe leaving you is the best way to make you happy. You cant be stuck with a hopeless person like me forever.

Nowaki pushed me away gently and stared into my eyes. I cant look away, he had a strong hold of me. "Would you forgive me for being such an idiot Hiro-san?" he said with that face, that voice. I cant stand it, I want to forgive him right away...but I shouldn't, I cant say anything. I feel so broken hearted.

I cried so hard. He looked more dejected and hugged me tighter. It hurts...but please for now...dont let me go. Nowaki. You meant everything to me, why cant I be the same for you?

Its hot, im burning up. The pain is indescribable...I even wished that I was better off dead. My throat is dry, I cough from time to time. With each cough was like a spear piercing through my body. I can only sleep it off. Tsumori examined me, he explained that I am having a terrible fever. You dont have to tell me, I already know.

Nurses forced me to eat, I dont want anything. I just want to sleep. But I was woken up by Nowaki. Even he pushed me to eat something. I dont want it! Leave me alone!

No matter how much I rejected him, I still see him in my dreams. It was during our happy times. He always had a blank expression but I know whats going on in his head when he bought me that yukata. I declined his advances but later that night I was swept away. Nowaki is a cunning guy. I even dreamt in detail how we cuddled each other that night.

'Nowaki.'

My eyes opened as the morning came. The rays were blinding, but my ears heard a noise. Light snoring. I looked down to my hands and i saw someone sleeping soundly. Black hair? Nowaki? Why are you sleeping here? He was sitting on a chair, his body crouched, his head on the bed and his hands were so close to mine. The IV stuck on my right hand hurts, but I want to stroke on his jet black hair. It is soft. I tilted my bed so that I could sit up. The fever is still bothering me as my head and body aches. My focus was more transfixed to him. Nowaki, your body would be aching if you continue to sleep like this. If only I could talk to him. But my heart refuses to.

The door opened slowly, Tsumori came in quietly and his eyes widen to the sight.

"He must have been friggin tired to sleep here. Looks like he knocked out."

I looked at Tsumori and my eyes went back to Nowaki. I pulled away my hand that was stroking his hair. Tsumori gave me a confused look. He came closer and said with a gentle tone so Nowaki could not wake up.

"You know, Kamijou-kun. I know a lot of things had happened, but how long can you last like this? Do you really want to break up with Nowaki?"

I looked away. I dont want to answer his question as I dont know the real answer myself. Nowaki was the one who wanted to severe ties with me. But his action states otherwise. I dont know if it would be best to break things off with him. But staying with him...would not be good either.

Tsumori continued with a sigh. "Kamijou-kun, I know I am the last person you want to talk too. But please listen to me. I am sorry if I made matters worse when I punched him. We fought, got a warning from the head doctor- not fired of course. But the truth is, I was jealous of Nowaki."

My eyes focused on Tsumori when he said the word 'Jealous'.

"You see, even when I am the senior, Nowaki has achieved so many things within a short period. I couldnt stand that. Even when I claimed that I divorced m ex-wife because I choose work, I am...a bit lonely. No other person spark any interest in me...But then I met you. Nowaki had everything, even you. I was jealous of him." Tsumori said that while looking at me directly in the eye.

I processed everything in my head, but it didnt take long for me to think and say, "I am sorry, I could not return your feelings."

Tsumori was shocked, I was not sure was it because of my words or was it because I spoke. He looked away, sighed, scratched his head.

"Yeah, I thought so. I understand. Nowaki gave me a warning already so everything is quite clear to me."

"Nowaki...did?" I asked but I hate it when my voice is course due to this fever.

"Hmm? Yeah. Kamijou-kun. Do you believe everyone gets a second chance? I know Nowaki has been cruel to you, but please believe me when I say he did it all in the heat of moment. His true intention was to give you happiness. Sure, he messed up...urgh what I am trying to say is Nowaki made a lot of mistakes for this past 2 weeks but I hope you can forgive him and give him a second chance."

I dont know whether or not to believe his words. I do know how Nowaki is. I know there is a possibility that this is true. But it has crossed the line. Even I wish for my own happiness. Even I wish for- Nowaki's happiness.

"You are a good friend to him, Tsumori-san." I tried to smile at him, but he didnt buy it.

"You're still going to leave him?" Tsumori asked as he did not agree with my decision.

I averted my eyes from him, then I added "I already gave him a second chance before. I gave him so many chances before..." I didnt want to say more. I hope he understand what I am saying.

Tsumori rolled his eyes, he could not fathom it. But he respects my decision with a condition. "If you really are sure, just make it a clean break. He still loves you so much. It would be hard for him, and...for you too"

I couldnt agree more. I simple nodded my head. I glanced at Nowaki and Tsumori sighed even more.

"But geez, how can he still sleep without even realizing we are talking about him?! Hey, Nowaki. Get up!" Tsumori was almost shouting.

Nowaki woke up, had a small conversation with Tsumori then looked at me. He apologized but I couldnt bring myself to say anything to him. In my head, I apologized to him too. I am sorry for what I am about to do. I love you Nowaki.

Nowaki knew I didnt want to talk to him, he left the room and gave me once last glance. Then he walked away.


	15. Leaving home

Yesterday I didnt go to Hiro-san's room at all. I was busy but the real reason is that I know there would be no difference if I was in the room or not. Miyagi-san would come every morning. Hiro-san's parents would contact me, and I have to lie saying that everything is fine. Sempai keeps an eye on Hiro-san's health. Usai san came with his lover boy bringing so many gifts. Even the blonde foreigner that I saw hugging Hiro-san that day came by. I am not needed.

Maybe I can just catch a glance of Hiro-san if I simply walk pass his room. Yeah, I should do that. When I reached there, the atmosphere was not what I expected. There was a commotion, the nurses panicked. Then I heard Tsumori sempai shouting from inside Hiro-san's room.

"How could this have happened. You all not doing your job properly! This is nonsense!"

I panicked too. I rushed into the room. Finding Hiro-san's bed empty. What?! Where is he?!

"Nowaki! Dont tell me you did this?! Where the hell is Kamijou-kun?!" Tsumori sempai shouted at me, grabbing me by my robe.

"I dont know what you are talking bout, I left him in your care! I havent seen him since two days ago! What happened to him?!"

Sempai let me go. "Tch, when I came to check up on him a few minutes ago, he was already gone. The nurses said that there was only one person visiting him this morning. But they saw him leaving alone. This dosent make any sense! He is in no condtion to be friggin walking around! He still has a slight fever, moving around would make his bone pain worse!" Sempi panicked with rage.

I understand him but I suspected Miyagi-san to be behind this. I walked to the drawers to check whether or not Hiro-san's clothes and books that I brought over is still here.

It was still there when checked. He must be around the hospital somewhere. Where have you gone Hiro-san?! -ah.

I happen to look outside of the window, I saw a patient with brown hair. Limping his way to a chair under tree. THAT MUST BE HIM! I just told sempai that I found him and i will take care of it. I dashed outside of the room to Hiro-san. I just wonder what had gotten into Hiro-san, to make him act like this?

As I ran...Thank god I was right. It is Hiro-san. Sitting on the chair, in a daze. His brown hair fluttering as the wind blows. A this body covered in bandages that made him looked a bit -san was pale. Why did he do this?! I almost had a heart attack! Is he doing this to get my attention? I am worried that he might over stress his body.

As I reach near him, I stopped a few steps away. He was looking at a different direction. I hope I can convince him to go back to his room. He dosent even want to talk to me. There is no one around as it is still Autumn, the sun is out but cold wind gushes from time to time. I took a deep breath, walked over to Hiro-san.

"Hiro-san, why are you here? You got everyone so worried. I almost got a heart attack when I saw your bed was empty." I thought Miyagi-san took you from me.

I waited for a response from Hiro-san. But nothing.

I pleaded him to go back to his room with me. He didnt listen. He dosent look like he wants to as he continued to daze at the scenery without a word. He wont budge, huh?

"Can I sit down next to you instead, Hiro-san?" I said, then accepted his silence as a green light.

We remained silent for a while. I did not want tot touch him as I know he would not like it. More like he would retaliate. I wondered if I should talk to make him more comfortable?

I tried to smile and talk to him with such gentle voice. But every question, every word I say did not get any respond.

"Hiro-san, its getting a bit cool out here. It is still Autumn, the sun is out but you are dressed like that. Your cold would get worse."

"You should see sempai's face when he saw you were gone. We both panicked but its a good thing I saw you from the window."

"You should have told me you wanted to get some fresh air. I could push you in a wheelchair."

"I know you wont like it but you cant walk around, its taxing your body."

"Do you want anything special to eat today? I will buy you anyt-"

My words got cut off by Hiro-san. His words left me in deep shock.

"Lets end this" he said with a weak voice.

"Wh-what? Wh- what do you mean? If its about breaking up- Im sor-" My words got cut off again.

"My decision is final. Lets make this a clean break.- Professor Miyagi is helping me find a house. Once I am discharged, ill leave the house. It is yours to begin with." Hiro-san said this while looking at the scenery. His face looks gloom but he is serious.

I could not utter any words. No! I cant accept this. I know what I have done but NO! This should not be happening. My heart was crushed.

I was on the verge of tears. "No, I love you- Hiro-san. Please dont do this. I LOVE YOU!"

I crouched in front of him, on my knees. I begged him. I looked at him in the eye but he did not care for what I have said.

"I have made up my mind. It is for the best. I wish you all the happiness in the world Kusama." Hiro-san looked at me in the eye. He called me by my last name. He is serious. He wants to have a clean break!

"HIRO-SAN PLEASE DONT DO THIS!" I shouted with all my might hoping that he would change his mind. Tears rolled down from my eyes. "I need you! I am sorry for what I have done, but please dont do this! I will do anything! Anything! I love you so much! Please!" I grabbed onto his hands. Hiro-san immediately pulled away.

"Please refrain from touching me. I hate it." His words...

As I hear those words, I remembered sempai saying that Hiro-san hated anyone touching him...except for me. Now he dosent even like me touching him. No...I cant do this. There is no one more important to me then him in this whole world. Please change your mind Hiro-san! I will do anything.

I cried in front of him, sobbing like a fool that I am.

I could not say anything as I was the one who wanted to end things in the first place. I got what I wanted...more like I got what I deserve. There is no more love for me in Hiro-san's eyes. He loathes me now.

As I looked down, still on both my knees. Sempai was watching from afar with a wheelchair in front of him. As I saw him, he walked away. I wiped my tears, trying to put myself together. With a shaky voice, i said to Hiro-san, "I-I understand. If that is what you wish then I-" However it seems hat I couldnt finish my sentence.

"Tch. I dont want to let you go. Will you not reconsider? P-please" I am at my wits end.

Hiro-san just looked at me and look away. It was clear...there is no more chances for me.

"O-okay. But my last request is Hiro-san should return to your room. Please, your condition would get worse if you stay out here any longer. Ill push you on a wheelchair."

Hiro-san simply nodded, I walked to where sempai was standing and grabbed the wheelchair. It was like my heart shattered a million pieces when Hiro-san refuses to let me give him a hand getting on to his wheelchair. He swatted my hand away. Like I am a pest. As I push him to his room, none of us uttered a single word. No use in saying anything now. Reasoning is no longer an option.

As Hiro-san was placed in his room, he looked so tired. He should be left alone but I dont want to leave this room. If I leave, I feel like I have given up on him completely. Like everything would be over. In my head, I cursed over my stupidity over and over again.

I noticed that all my efforts after all these years are put to waste. The main reason I left for America, become a doctor, be successful was not only to chase after my dream. It was for Hiro-san's sake. I did it all for him! He gave me a push to be the person I am today. I climbed away all to the top in order to achieve being his equal. Rather than obtaining that, I lost sight of my real track and let him suffer instead.

Sempai entered into the room and his face regretted doing so. The situation was gloom.

"You can leave now."- Hiro-san said that.

My body just freezed, not knowing what to do. My knees feel weak, but then I took a step back. As I was about to step out of the door, "Please know that I shall always love you, and you only Hiro-san." my final words to him.

He looked a bit shock but then looked away. I walked over to the nurses counter to file in that sempai shall be taking over Hiro-san's supervision completely. Of course, I dont agree to it completely after knowing his feelings towards Hiro-san but after considering everything, he is the BEST for Hiro-san.

I hurried home as I canceled my late night shift. I couldnt stand being in that hospital any longer in fear that I might do something horrible to Hiro-san while my emotions is not contained.

I reached t the doorstep of our- my home. My day was not over yet. I saw a pair of shoes that is familiar. Miyagi-san. My blood boils, I rushed into the house and saw him with two luggage bags and a small box sealed with tape. As dumbfounded as I was but I had to ask him what is the meaning of all this?!

He stared then answered me, "I have packed all the necessary stuff from Hiroki's room. Ill get the other loads later. For the time being these shall be placed at my house. The new house lease is in the process so would be ready to move in when Hiroki is discharg-"

"Stop fucking around with me!" My head exploded. This is all nonsense. "This is all you goddamn fault!" I grabbed onto Miyagi's collar and continued "If you had not butt into or relationship, none of this would have happened!"

Miyagi furrowed his eyebrows, his cigarette fell down as he grabs my hand and pushed me with such force. "Dont get cocky you little shit! The last time you wanted to hit me, I was not paying attention! But if it is a fight you're looking for then bring it! Dont look down on an old man like me!" he punched me with all his might. Drops of blood coming out from my nose and mouth after I fell down. I looked at him with a glare and so did he towards me.

"That is for making Hiroki go through some miserable shit because of your stupid fucking behavior! You got what you deserve bastard! Hiroki suffered a lot because of you, and thanks to you he may never be the same again! After someone as proud as him get a taste of pure love, he could not crawl back into his shell once it is all over. For him to be abandoned like that is just- cruel." Miyagi told me off then looked away.

I cant say anything. The atmosphere became awkward, my face hurts because of the punch. Then Miyagi just grabbed Hiro-san's things and walked pass me after throwing Hiro-san's duplicate key near my leg.

"Just tell me- what is Hiro-san to you." I had to ask him.

Miyagi looked at me with such stern eyes, "he is my junior, my colleague, my friend. A person I am lucky enough to meet. And nothing more. You should have known that from the very beginning, I already have someone that I love for life. For you, wasnt that suppose to be Hiroki?" he said that then shut the door and left.

Leaving me behind in this room that was once so warm but now so empty. As the memories replayed in my head, I shouted at the top of my lungs in grief, I cried loud and hitting everything out of anger. Then I dropped from exhaustion. What I feel about myself is indescribable. Close to committing suicide. That is how I feel now.

But if I die, I cant see Hiro-san. Even if I still cant hold him like I used to. After everything that has happened, just seeing him could feed my will to live on. I love you so much Hiro-san. I dont want to leave you, you are so dear to me-


	16. A fighting chance

Days goes on as if it is a living hell. I work in the same hospital that my lover is hospitalized in. But due to some reasons, I am prevented from seeing him. No exact person is preventing me, its just my own conscience talking to me. I cant even call Hiro-san as my lover anymore. It is already over between us. It has already been nearly 3 weeks since Hiro-san has been in the hospital. He was allowed to be discharged. During that timee, after our break up, I havent entered his room ever since. I was too afraid of what he might say if he saw me.

By now, he fears me. He hates me. He- no longer loves me.

My feet dragged through the hallway. I always catch glances of my beloved every chance I get. Today, he is in the pharmacy to be briefed about his medications. The one that should be by his side is me...but instead Miyagi-san is. As he push Hiro-san on the wheelchair, I knew that this would be the last time that I would see him. Hiro-san faced towards me and saw me. His pupils widen, what was the meaning behind that look. Moreover, I was more concern about his complexion. He still looks paled and frail looking. Has he been eating enough? He is all skin and bones now. Damn, I am so worried.

Ah- Hiro-san looked away. Miyagi pushed him away from me, pushing Hiro-san into his car. Miyagi-san told me that Hiro-san would be staying with him and his lover until Hiro-san's parents return or until his condition is stable. Being in the hospital for so long must have been frustrating for Hiro-san. I cant see him anymore after this. That thought, it felt like it ringed in my ears. I dont want to go home is he isnt there waiting for me. I dashed to Miyagi's car but it drove off before I could reach it. No!

I just want to tell Hiro-san, that I want him back. Please, god...let me have him back! Please...I love him so much...

"Nowaki" a voice. Sempai's voice, calling to me.

"What?" I gave him a death glare without me realizing it.

Sempai scratched his head as he was confused on how t deal with me in this state. He just said to me "Miyagi-san gave me this. It is his address to his house." Then sempai handed over to me a piece of paper scribbled with hand writing.

Why would he give me this? I snatched it from sempai's hand. "W-why?" I just had to ask out loud.

"He said to give Kamijou-kun some time. Then when he is stable enough, you can come over to work things out. 'It is a waste to see a beautiful relationship end in a bad way' he said that ya know." sempai gave me a slight smirk in hope that it would make me feel better.

It really did, I still have a fighting chance to please Hiro-san! I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE HIM! HE IS MINE! I LOVE HIM!


	17. A gay relationship

To find a piece of mind, I want to breathe fresh air. Being cooped up within these 4 white walls is suffocating. I want to stretch, and I want to tell HIM what is on my mind.

I gathered all my energy to walk to that bench under the tree. I have been staring at it from the window pane. Seeing everyone that sat there is happy. Maybe I can find my happiness there too. A foolish wish. I have to go there, my body is burning but I still want to. I need to go there, even wobble the whole way if I have too. Staying there I can catch my breath, in hope that HE would come. I need to tell him- that its over.

He came to me, spoke so many words. Each word baffled me. I did not know how to react, but I have made up my mind and I shall not change it. When I opened my mouth, I uttered exactly what I need and have to say. I said it s well. It has been in my mind for days. I hear him cry, I hear him plead...I hear him saying that he still loves me.

None of those claims should effect me. Even if it did, i cant take back what I said.

All of those words, just seems like lies to me. When he tried to held my hand, I felt- disgusted. I hate him, but I still love him no matter what. Feelings are complicated. I hurt him with my words. But he hurt me more. In order to protect myself, I have to push him aside. It- is for the best.

After that event, for days I have waited for him. Even when I told him that we are no more, I still hope that he would chase after me. Not giving up on me. It is all but a dream. An idiots dream.

He walks past my room, without even taking a glance. It seems that the dissolution of relationship did not affect him as it did for me. I am at my wits end. Even as I remain silent tho those around me, inside I fell like there is a hurricane of emotions. Feelings I never felt, I never knew of. The brain is always clouded by the feelings of the heart.

No matter how mush I choose him, no matter how long I hold on to him, no matter how I love him...I should ave know our relationship will never last.

A gay relationship against society.

In the end, he would always choose another woman, bear children. It is a much better choice for him rather than being stuck with an old, useless, pathetic MAN like me.

See? He pass my room, talked with the nurses with such smile. Jealous of this, but how I miss it. That smile. Was once only for me. Me alone.

'There is no one in this world I hold dear apart from you.'

I want you to try and say those words to me again.

Soon someone new would replace me. Never parade around me with that person within your tight grasp. The sight would be unbearable.

It has been almost 3 weeks I have been here, my parents called me saying that they are about to return to Japan in another 4 days but I am to be discharged today. My belongings are still in Nowaki's house. I have not seen my new house yet, but just thinking of it, that cold dark new house without Nowaki, affects me in the worst way.

For the time being, I shall stay at Professor Miyagi's house. He is staying with his lover, I dont want to be a be burden and try to get out of way. He told me to rely on him, so I did and I am glad I did so. My bones are almost healing. I can only take off the cast on my hand in another 2 weeks. Until then, I would be idle. I need help doing chores, I can never rely on Nowaki anymore. Usually he would always cook delicious meals, do the laundry, and all the other house chores. We take turns but he is better at it.

I once opened my clothes in front of a mirror in the hospital. The sight of those scars are horrifying. Its a good thing I dont have to show my body to anyone anymore. I tried laughing at my statement with such positivity but I cried instead. The wounds from the accident was painful, but it shall heal over time. The heart however could not. It is not easy.

As I reached Professor Miyagi's home, I was introduced to a university student. Light brown hair and emerald eyes. He did not seem all that pleased with my presence. I have met him a few times before, he was under the impression that I wanted to take Professor Miyagi away from him. However, Professor Miyagi was the one who always annoys the hell out of me everyday and I wish him gone!

"Hiroki, if you need anything, dont hesitate to ask me or Shinobu. Dont be shy now." Professor Miyagi said that while patting on my back quite hard. He continued by saying "I will make some dinner for you, what do you want? Porridge, something heavy? What about steak instead? Haha."

As mush as I appreciate his failure in attempt to amuse me, I declined by saying "No thank you, I just want to sleep. Im just...tired." I looked down the whole time, avoiding eye contact with both of them. They seemed puzzled by my behavior but then they played along with it. Showing me to an extra room where Shinobu sleeps. I have to stay here until my parents return.

I hate to barge into someone else's territory but due to circumstances, I have to do this. Professor Miyagi tried to ask me questions about whether or not I want anything other than sleep. I declined every question and he gave up eventually. I pulled the blanket to cover my whole body, in hope that I could shut everyone out of my life...

As hard as I tried I cant go to sleep. There was food on the table, I did not have any appetite. But to show that I am not rude, I took a few spoons of it, ate my medicine and just go to sleep. I hear doors opening and closing. Conversation between them that I did not care about. I just want to sleep. Let me sleep and forget. Better yet, let me sleep eternally so that I can never wake up to this nightmare.

Nowaki.


	18. Fried Cabbages

[ An extra chapter about Miyagi and Shinobu, the past chapters have been a bit depressing so I hope you enjoy this cute chapter :) ]

Shinobu entered into the room that Hiroki was sleeping. It was his room originally.

"Hey, how are you feeling?" He ask but there was no response. He scratched his head and went inside, peeping at the bed. Hiroki was asleep with something in his hand? A book? Shinobu wondered why the book looked old and worn out. Like it have been read so many times.

Not paying much attention to it, Shinobu just took away the tray of food left for Hiroki's dinner and left the room.

At the kitchen, he opened the lid of the bowl and saw there was so much leftovers. Shinobu wondered if Hiroki finds Miyagi's cooking to be disgusting? Or he dosent have any appetite...or is he just one rude fella.

"Hey did he finish it?" Miyagi came over to his lover Shinobu at the kitchen. Miyagi took a peak at the bowl and said "What the? Did he even eat at all?...he finished his medicine. Darn, he cant keep doing this. He can get gastritis if he keep this up."

"You that worried about him, Miyagi?" Shinobu asked with a teasing tone in his voice.

"Huh? Dont tell me you are jealous. Come on Shinobu, he is my friend. I have to worry about him, he looks as if he is about to commit suicide...after all that happened." Miyagi scratched his head and shocked when his lover made a quick retort to his statement.

"I know that you old man! I was just joking...I mean, I understand how he feels. Getting hurt in the worst way possible. Plus that his lover left him...If it was me..." Shinobu looked so sad. He knew what Hiroki is going through. He prayed to himself that he would not experience the same thing. Having a lover way older than him.

Miyagi looked at his cute lover wondering if the situation is making him about to cry. To comfort hi kitten, he said "then I shall do my best to cherish the one I love most. I love you, Shinobu" Miyagi held on to his lovers waist, suffocating him in the best way possible.

This made Shinobu's face blush red, his throat caught up, he wanted to swoosh his hand right at Miyagi's face but he could not do so. The dominating power that Miyagi has over Shinobu could not be broken. Shinobi cursed at his old over, looking ever so shy, but all his efforts of covering his embarrassment is thrown away when Miyagi kissed him. Ever so sweetly, ever so strongly. Miyagi strongly desires for his young lover but is always cautious. One wrong step and he may hurt Shinobu or Shinobu might end up leaving him. Sinobu pushed away Miyagi gently. As Miyagi stared at him, he noticed his ears also turned beet red. SO cute.

"Argh I want to do it so bad!" Miyagi said while pulling his lover closer.

Shinobu did not say anything and just look down. He was thinking on how wrong this is. Someone is sick in the house, and that person just had love troubles. If they do it- just thinking about it made Shinobu nervous.

Miyagi stared at his silent lover. He sighed and just said with a calm voice "Maybe now is not the right time, but you should know how much I desire and love you Shinobu. Never forget that." Miyagi kissed Shinobu's forehead.

To change the subject and endure Miyagi's little member could soften, he asked Shinobu what he wanted to eat for tomorrow.

"I dont mind anything, your cooking is delicious." Shinobu said that left Miyagi in awe.

Shinobu continued "But tomorrow I am cooking." His determination left Miyagi to be paralyzed by his statement.

"No- erhh, you dont have to do that- you see you have to cook a portion for a sick person too." Miyagi tried to change Shinobu's mind.

"Yeah so that is why tomorrow I would be cooking my famous stir fried cabbages." Shinobu said with confidence.

"Stop! Dont you even think about it. What makes you think that a sick person wants to eat crisp fried cabbages!" Miyagi panicked.

"Because vegetables are nutritious." Shinobu said.

"Not when you burn them! The nutrition's would be all gone!" Miyagi replied.

Both of them continued arguing about cabbages without considering the sick person, who is already pissed off, trying to sleep in the room near the kitchen.


	19. Darkness that mocks me

Pitch black just like Nowaki. It surrounds me, making me feel so lonely. Even as I reach out to it, I can never grab it. Just like how I reach out for Nowaki, but can never get a strong hold of him. I stood there, staring into darkness. Then I tried to walk, but my legs feels like lead. I tried to run, I ran faster. So fast. I dont know where I am going, but my instinct tells me to just run away from it all. From what? My legs placed forward faster. No matter how much you run, you feel as if you had gotten nowhere. It is so dark.

Amongst the dark i saw a small light, a warm hand reaching out to me. Nowaki!

The sight of him makes my feet feel lighter, now I have somewhere to go. Somewhere I belong. Someone...that I loved.

As soon as I grabbed on to those hands, a hole appeared under my feet. It is sucking me in like a vortex. I grab on to those warm hands, Nowaki kneeled but still grabbing on my hand. I called out to him, asking him to pull me up. Take me into your embrace...

All he did was giving me a half smile...then let go of my hands. No!

I fell, so deep. Deep into darkness. I tried screaming, no one could hear me. I lost sight of Nowaki. Again it was pitch black everywhere. The darkness is scaring me, even to the point of mocking me. I cried as I was alone. When wiping my tears, I noticed it wasnt the shade of transparent water, but deep red.

Blood. I am crying out blood!

Screaming. Shouting. That is all I can do.

I woke up from that torturous nightmare panting, catching my breath. The room was dark almost as same as my dreams. There is no one beside me to tell me that it is okay. I just hugged my own knees and tried to forget that nightmare.

But I cant. Because I am still in it. A life without Nowaki is still a nightmare.

"Its okay, everyth-ing is going to be okay. Its-okay" I cried again. This time salty tears. My whole body trembled in fear.

I have been in this same room for two days now. Nightmares on repeat. To the point that going to sleep scares me even more. Miyagi would come to the room every now and then just to check up on me. He said I sometimes scream before waking up. I lost appetite in eating and Miyagi always scold me. He looks so worried.

Will - will I have to live like this for the rest of my life?

I laughed, not at my statement but at my fate. Its unfair. If this goes on...I RATHER DIE.


	20. Verge of death

Its been almost 3 days since Hiro-san stayed at Miyagi-san's house. I got a call from Miyagi-san this morning.

He told me to come by at the house in the afternoon as he had to go to the University along with his lover. Both of them having classes to attend and teach.

"Just take care of him, maybe he needs you now. More then ever." Those were Miyagi-sans words.

It did worry me a bit, Miyagi-san sounded a bit depressed. He did not say anything else and I did not dare to ask more. I have spent these two days thinking on how to please Hiro-san. Flowers is the least of my concern. So I was thinking...Who am I kidding...I- dont have a plan actually.

Sempai gave me ideas but if I were to play along with his plan, Hiro-san would hate me forever. The root of the problem was my attitude. A mere promise no longer means anything to Hiro-san. He wont buy it. Showering him with gifts now would seem like I am desperate to lure him in with money. What else can I do?

Apologize?

I was determined to give Hiro-san space to a max of 6 moths period. But it seems, I cant even part with him for a mere 3 days. What I think that is best for me to do now is to listen to him. Just try spending a day with him, no matter if my presence annoy him. I need to be persuasive. I shall be determined to get him back. Above all, I just need to be there for him.

I wont force him to come back to me, but in my heart I deeply wish for such.

My shift ended at 11.30 and I dashed to Miyagi-san's house. He said he left the key under the mat. Along the way, I bought several foods that Hiro-san likes so much. Meat, porridge, chicken, cakes, sweets. It was heavy to carry all of these. My fingers are going numb.

I found the key to the apartment. As i slip the key into the lock, I gulped then entered into the house with my mind and body prepared for what is going to happen next. Took my shoes off, put the food on the kitchen table then stood in front of the room Hiro-san is in.

It was silent, he must be asleep. I tried to put my words together before going in... Here goes.

I opened the door, the room was a bit dark even when it is bright outside. The curtains kept the room dim hence Hiro-san must be sleeping. I saw a tray of food on the table and checked. The food wasnt even touched. I sighed.

Slowly, I took a chair and sat next to Hiro-san's bed. He was sleeping on his side facing the other way and covered with a blanket. His head and neck was the only thing that is jutting out of the blanket. I looked closer and saw the bones of his neck so visible, it is a sign he lost so much weight.

He dosent eat!

Its best for now I wont touch him, but I need to talk to him.

"Hiro-san, Hiro-san. Hiro-san its me. Are you awake?"

No response.

"Hiro-san, if you are awake please listen to me. You dont have to move or look at me. Just listen. Please."

"I am truly sorry for what has happened. There is so many things I want to apologize about, but first let me explain about my horrible behavior towards you. Please listen. You see, all I wanted to do was to make you happy. But without realizing it, the one that is sacrificing so much for my happiness is you. You sacrificed your dream, just to please my ego. All along i want to catch up with you. To be a man that can at least stand as your equal. But even after all my hard work, it means nothing if you are not with me! You are my everything! I love you. So much. My attitude has changed these past years. I know that! Somehow, I have become more possessive, easily angry and jealous. I never considered how you feel, and you have been putting up with me all these while. I am sorry. I am so sorry. You got hurt because of me. You ended up getting more hurt because of me! Please let me make it up to you! Please? Hiro-san I beg you. Please look at me. Say something, ANYTHING! Please-" I confessed my heart out and put it into words that I find most suitable. But all of that did not get a single response from Hiro-san.

He remained silent the whole time, not even twitching. He cant still be sleeping after all my shouting and pleading. Did he really made up his mind to break things off with me? NO! I cant accept that, he is my everything and I shall fight for him!

My hand reached out to touch his hair. Such soft brown hair, I miss his touch, smell...and smile. I called out his name, as I got no response I then sat on the bed. I stroked his hair, calling out for him again. Hoping he would look at me and forgive me.

"Hiro-san. Hiro-san. Hiro-san. I love you. Please, look at me. I am sorry."

I glanced at his face, it was dark so I could not really see. It looked like his eyes are still shut, no sign of fever but his body feels a bit cold...maybe due to the aircond. But something dosent feel right.

I quickly dashed to the curtains and pulled it to the side, letting sun rays brighten up the room. I looked at Hiro-san and the sight...was something I hoped not to see for the second time.

Hiro-san's face looked a bit blue. "Hiro-san! Hiro-san! What hapened! Shit!" I hurried over to him, grabbed his face gently. I placed my two fingers on the nape of his neck...there was no pulse! I panicked but did not know what to do. But I am a bloody doctor for gods sake! Shit!

"Hiro-san! Please wake up! This cant be happening! Not again!" I tapped on his cheeks and there was no sign of movement. He was not breathing! What caused this?!

I pulled the blanket down. Something rolled to my leg. I noticed and looked at it. A bottle? I picked it up. Painkillers? The bottle was empty as I noticed after shaking it.

Hiro-san had a drug overdose? This is...SUICIDE!

"HIRO-SAN! OPEN YOUR EYES! WHY DID YOU DO THIS?!" I shouted while crying, holding on to him and hugging him tight. You cant die...you just cant! I will save you this time, please dont die, DONT DIE!

I love you so much! Hiro-san!

When I got a grip of myself, I just carried Hiro-san's cold body and brought him to the toilet. He took an excessive amount of pain killers. So...I have to let him puke it out! Or, should I just call for an ambulance first? No! That would take too much time! I am out of time. I need to do this now! Hiro-san...Hiro-san...wake up. Dont die like this.

I opened the toilet bowl and positioned Hiro-san body so that he can puke in the toilet bowl. His body was lifeless. Am..I too late?!

"No, now is not the time to be negative!" I talked to myself.

I opened Hiro-san's mouth and stuffed two fingers in his throat. My other hand was wrapped tightly around his waist. I gripped around his waist constantly to pump out the pills in his stomach. It will make it easier for him to puke it out. But he looks no different and he is not puking it out!

"Hiro-san! Hiro-san! Get a grip! Just puke it out! Please!" I shouted in hope tat he would do as I say.

His body swayed, a sign that he is weak..I have to keep on doing this.

Then, he puked!

"Oh my god! T-Th-at's it Hiro-san! Keep on puking! Thats it! Good!" I felt so relieved!

Hiro-san puked, but I still keep shoving my fingers in this mouth to force him puke out all the remaining painkillers in his stomach. He was resisting when he pushed my hand away but I paid no attention to it! He has to puke out every remaining bit even if it is painful!

When he could not puke anymore, I pulled him up to wash his mouth, my hands and took off his stained clothes. His color was still paled but it was not as blue as it was just now. He looked as if he was in a daze and weak. I placed him down on the floor and hugged him. Hugged him so tight. That was so scary for me, I almost lost him...again. I cried so hard.

"W-why would you do that-hic. You werent breathing! Why! Dont do that-hic again! YOU DIED JUST NOW! Dont do this to me, dont die! Why did you try to kill yourself?!"

My grip was almost suffocating him, but as usual he was silent. When i caressed his hair, I pushed him away little and kissed him on his forehead. He just stared at me, just as what I was doing to him.

"No-waki..." he- he called out my name!

"Yes, yes! Its me Hiro-san, its me-hic. Are- are you alright?! You got me so worried!" I was so relieved to the point that it was indescribable. I caressed his cheek, kissed it and hugged him again. Wait! I should call the ambulance! Hiro-san's condition is not that well, he needs to get proper check ups and medication.

"Come, Hiro-san. I will carry you to bed." I carefully carried him as one of his broken hands was still in a cast and healing. When I carried him, I was shocked by how he was light as a feather. It didnt take up much effort to carry him. How much weight have you lost Hiro-san! My stress and worry doubled.

As I put Hiro-san on the bed, I wiped away my tears and took out my cell phone.

"W-why...did you save..me?" Hiro-san said with such a weak voice.

My eyes widen to his question, my hands stopped from pressing any more buttons on my phone. I looked at him with such ferocity.

"OF COURSE I WOULD SAVE YOU! WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I WOULD NOT?! HOW CAN YOU ASK ME-" I gasped as I shouted at Hiro-san without realizing. I cant stress him out now. I just looked away and called the ambulance. They say they can come over right away. I have to ask Hiro-san...why? Why did he tried to kill himself?

But first I went to the bathroom and took a towel, a bowl of water with some soap to wipe Hiro-san's body. I took an extra pair of pajamas from his bag near his bed, sit down on a chair and cleaned him up. Hiro-san did not reject me touching him, he just closed his eyes, not saying a word. I just had to ask...

"Hiro-san...why did you-" I just had to ask. But my voivce was too low. He probably did not hear it. I just sighed and continued to clean him up. I put on his pajamas with utter care, in fear of moving him too much.

"I- cant." Hiro-san spoke again in such hush voice but it was a bit unclear. I just stared at him. He cant what? I dont understand. As I was about to ask him, his words put me into further silence.

"I- cant do i...I cant! I- wanted, for..best but I just cant. I- hate bein- alone. I cant..." His voice was breaking, I can only make out a few word but with it I got an in depth understanding of Hiro-san's feelings. His face now turned red, he whimpered like a helpless child. Shedding tears that makes me weak.

Now I understand. He never wanted to leave me. He never wanted to break things off, I just pushed him to the point where he thinks it was necessary. My solemn face felt heavy as further burden was put. Burden? More like guilt and shame. My love...

I crawled onto his bed, planted kisses on his head and proceeded to his cheeks and eyes after successfully pushing away his hands covering his teared filled eyes. He gasped and hicced, in his moment of pain he just want to let out his heart. He wants me to hear his sorrows. I am the root for all of them.

"I am sorry Hiro-san, I am SO sorry. Please. Can you ever forgive me? A stupid fool who wanted nothing other than your love but I ended up- I just dont understand why would you hurt yourself. Why did you tried to kill yourself?! If you die I dot have the will to love on! Dont- dont do that again please? My heart was about to stop when I saw you like that. I almost lost you once..no, not again..." Tears dripped from my eyes as well. I caressed his hair, face and stared into his eyes in hope that I would convince him.

He stared into mine with a sullen look. "Dont leave me..." Hiro-san said.

Such sorrowful words. I have been such a useless dick!

"Of course! Of course! I would treasure you more from now on! Please believe me! I want you back, I dont want you to leave my side ever again! I am so SO sorry! I love you! I Love you so much! There is no one on this earth that I would love more than you my Hiro-san..." I hugged him ever so gently. I feel like I just poured all of my soul into words.

Hiro-san hicced and nodded slightly to my words. He wrapped his feeble hands around me. As if he was holding on to me for dear life. How precious this moment is for the both of us. We continued to hold each other until Hiro-san fell asleep and the ambulance came.


	21. Sweet embrace

Hiro-san was brought to the hospital around 3 oclock. I participated in checking up on him as Sempai was on his day off. Hiro-san was given IV drips and his stomach was pumped to clean his whole system from excessive drug intake. As expected, he is to be hospitalized for another 3 days. His parents would be back in Japan tomorrow night. I dont know whether or not I should tell his parents about what really happened. If I gave them the snippets, the whole secret about me and Hiro-san would eventually spill out. Hiro-san is not ready to let his parents know about us. Argh! I dont know what to do! Too many things happened today and I am bushed.

I did a bit of my rounds but my mind is filled with other thoughts. I am rarely negligent in my work. I love my job, it has been my dream but I want to cherish the person I love more. I asked the nurse to leave room 265, which is Hiro-san's room, to be undisturbed then I went to Hiro-san's room after changing my clothes. I placed Hiro-san in a suite hospital room. It is big and spacious. Comparing to the one before, this is a bit more luxurious. A doctor has their priviliges and I want to start spoiling Hiro-san in every way possible. What he needs now is a more relaxing environment. The room was bright when I entered.

Hiro-san was laying on the bed with a cast on his left hand and a needle sticked into the veins of his right hand. From afar he looks so brittle, so paled. I prayed for him to recover soon enough. I cant stand the sight of him being like this anymore. Wait, something seems a bit off...

I went closer to Hiro-san and saw his lips were a bit blue. I start to panic again, what is happening?! I held on to his right hand to check on his pulse. What surprised me was not his pulse but his tremble. Hiro-san was trembling all over. As I stroked his bangs, those closed eyes opened slowly and shifted towards me.

"-waki." He said my name, but his broken voice brings me grief.

"I am here Hiro-san. Whats wrong? You are trembling! A-are you cold?" Hiro-san just stared blankly after hearing my words then he nodded his head slowly.

His whole body was trembling and by the looks of it i think his temperature dropped. It must be painful. I want to hug him but I cant!

"Okay, ill turn up the temperature in this room for you. Ill bring some more blankets and maybe something warm to eat or drink. Is there anything you want? Just name it! Ill go get it for you." I tried to act calm. My questions and suggestions did not get any answer. Instead, Hiro-san gave me a sullen look. My heart aches when he does that.

"Hey- whats wrong? Please dont look like that. You can tell me anything okay? Ill do anything for you. I love you Hiro-san." I caressed his face and stared at him to try and find out the reason behind his sullen look.

"-ki, its cold." His right hand grabbed on mine. His eyes was teary, oh no. Please dont cry my beloved.

But what exactly does he wants me to d- ah. That reminds me, every time Hiro-san says this, what he really wants is my affection and my hugs. He craves for it from time to time. Always the proud man he is, not wanting to say that he is lonely but all he ever wanted was my embrace at times like this. I understand now.

Took me a while to figure out and Hiro-san stared at me the whole time. He could not say what he wants directly...I am unsure on whether he is shy or just too weak to speak. Either way, I pulled away my hand from Hiro-san. He seemed frightened when I closed the lights and the room became too dimmed. The table lamp was still on but aside from that light, the whole room was pitch black. Hiro-san trembled even more and tried calling out my name with his husky voice. He looked so afraid, as if i was to leave him. I sighed and gently placed my right hand below Hiro-san's neck and my other hand below his thin knees then lifts him up slightly to make room on the bed for me. After I positioned myself on the bed, I carefully placed Hiro-san on top of my arm. Cuddling him and wrapping him with my left hand around his body. He looked a bit shock when I did this, like it was unexpected.

I am in constant fear of injuring him further but then Hiro-san hugged me ever so sweetly. His hand gripped on my clothes and he starts to sob slightly. I hushed him, not letting him cry any further. I reassured him of everything and even changed the topic a little to make him feel at ease.

Glad I was that for once, my high body temperature came into good use. I rubbed Hiro-san's back and my other hand caressing his head. After a while Hiro-san stopped trembling and sighed slightly then later he fell asleep. I smiled with relief seeing my beloved in my arms, clinging on to me, sharing my warmth and slumbering with such a calm, relaxed face.

That night I stayed up just to stare at my lovers sleeping face. I checked his pulse from time to time. I was really worried that in the middle of the night..his heart would cease beating if I did not look after him. His breathing sounds ease my worries a little. I plant kisses on his forehead repeatedly as a sign of love and also to check his temperature. After a few hours, I fell asleep too. Exhaustion won over me. Please dont leave me again Hiro-san. I love you so much.


	22. The Harsh Reality

Morning came, and my eyes had to open even when I still feel groggy. I just had to wake up. I rubbed my eyes and stretched my body a bit. I felt warmth on my left arm, my face then shifted to the sight of my sleeping loved one.

Hiro-san. Hiro-san. Hiro-san. I called his name in my head so many times. I moved a bit to make him more comfortable and placed his healing broken arm on my chest. My other hand caressed his hair. Hiro-san twitched a bit to my touch. He opened his eyes slowly but it seems his vision was a bit blur.

"Oh, you are awake? I am sorry I woke you. Are you hurting anywhere- Hiro-san?" Hiro-san looked a bit blur. It is understandable, he just woke up. Hiro-san stared at me not for too long, he sighed and his brown eyes shut again slowly. I shook him as gentle as possible but he groaned slightly.

"Huh? Hiro-san, are you alright? Hiro-san, Hiro-san, Hiro-san?" He fell asleep again?! I called out gently but he did not respond to me. The only thing I can hear from him is his breathing sounds. He must be really tired. But if he is too weak like this then there must something must be wrong with him. I dont feel any temperature, maybe he is malnourished?

I tried to get up from the bed with minimal movements. I placed him gently on the pillow, making sure not to wake him up. I covered him up with a blanket. Ergh, its time for my job. I wish I could sleep in more. Its so friggin' early! Lets just give him a kiss and off to work! Ill check up on him when he is awake.

I leaned over to kiss him on his slightly paled lips. I declared my love to him...but then I heard clattering sounds and a thunk. It surprised me! I looked behind, it feels like I just saw a ghost. No...its like SHE just saw a ghostly sight. It was Hiro-san's mother. SHE SAW ME! S-shit...

"What are you doing?! Who are- arent you his friend?! Yo-ou are the doctor! WHAT DID YOU DO TO MY SON?!" Hiro-san mother was shouting. Things dont look so good. I have to calm her down, or not Hiro-san would wake up. But what am I going to do?! She saw me! If Hiro-san knew about this he would be so displeased.

"Madam please, calm down. I can explain-" I went close to her because I wanted to close the door so that no one could hear or disturb us. But then...

"Get away from me! You are disgusting! How can you do that to my son! You animal!" Her word,s thrown at me like daggers and it hurts like hell. But this is nothing. This is what I have to face, if not now, then in the near future. It is bound to happen anyway. I must be strong. I promised not to have Hiro-san taken away from me ever again. I have to settle this myself.

"Madam, its my fault-" my word were cut off.

"He is my lover." Those words, that voice. Both me and Hiro-san's mother looked over the bed and saw Hiro-san getting up. He continued, "Dont blame him. Blame me. I love him." Hiro-san claiming all of this. In amidst of my happiness, I was also worried and terrified about what is going to happen next.

"Hiroki...what are you saying? You-you are not thinking straight sweetheart. A-are you trying to say that...you are gay?" his mothers lips trembled to the word 'gay'.

"I love him. I cant love no one else. I am sorry mother." Hiro-san face was filled with remorse. It must pain him so much to do this. I looked at his mother and she was not pleased with the whole thing. The situation was glum.

"So-so all of the marriage proposals? You rejected them because of this! You rejected them all..for HIM?!" She pointed at me with such ferocity in her words.

"Yes, he is the one whom I cherished the most. I told you that in the letter I wrote to you. Again I am so sorry mother. I truly am. Im sorry that I have become such a despicable son. But I love him."

"Hiro-san" I was overwhelmed by the situation. But that is no time for this. I got on both of my knees and bowed down to Hiro-san's mother.

"Madam, I am Kusama Nowaki. I am in love with your son, and we have been dating each other for more than 9 years now. Through out the whole time we have been living with each other. I am truly sorry for everything. But please believe in my love for your son! He is my everything! I will take responsibility for everything, but please...please accept us! I love him." My voice was high. I thought it was necessary to get of her approval, but of course I didnt get my hopes up.

When I lifted my head a bit, Hiro-san's mother was so unsure. She looked so confused with everything going on. She looked at Hiro-san again...maybe for the last time. Her eyes was wet then she left the room in such a hurry. I was stunned by her actions. I got up on my feet and tried to chase her and Hiro-san stopped me.

"Nowaki! Dont!" I then looked at Hiro-san. Hiro-san continued and said "Just dont. Let her be. Just let her be." Hiro-san's face looked dejected. He lied down on the bed and looked dizzy.

I rushed to him. "Hiro-san! Hiro-san! Are you okay?! Does it hurt anywhere?!"

"Calm down. Dont shout, I am fine. It just I am a little dizzy..." Hiro-san silenced for a bit.

I felt guilt bothering me. " I am sorry Hiro-san...its because I did that...and she saw me...so things got a little complicated."

"Its alright...just let it be. I knew she would react like that. It is bound to happen anyway. She was always the conservative type." Silence again.

"Hiro-san..." Even I couldnt bring myself to say anything else.

"Are you still going to leave me?" Hiro-san said and looked at me. I was clueless.

"Eh?" I just couldnt fathom his question.

"I am no longer good looking. I have never been so in the first place. I am hard headed. I come with a lot of baggage. Me with all of these ugly scars...would you still love me? Would you still stay with me?" Hiro-san's face looked so sad but he was trying to pull of a smirk.

"Of course I would! I will love you to the very end. Dont say things like that! You are the most beautiful person to me! Scars dosent matter! I realize my mistakes now! I would not let any harm come to you again! I love you so much Hiro-san!" I blurted out, but every word was the truth.

Hiro-san smiled, but it was a painful smile. "Beautiful, huh?...I love you too Nowaki. Thank you." he looked as if he was about to give up on life.

"Hiro-san..."

"I am sorry Nowaki, but can you leave me alone for a while?"

I hesitated to his request. He laughed a bit. I didnt buy the fake laughter.

"Dont worry, I wont do anything stupid again. You confiscated everything dangerous from this room right? Just for an hour. Please?"

As much as I'm not pleased the idea, I agreed to his request. I left him alone, i left the room hesitantly and closed the door while he looked away. Hiro-san...

[Author's note : Thank you for reading my fanfic. I hope you enjoyed this chapter! :)]


	23. Trust No One

The cat is finally out of the bag, huh? Now my whole family knows my preference. That I am gay. I never made it obvious, I kept it well hidden. Even when I had feelings for Akihiko, that one sided love...I never told anyone about it. I knew this day would come, that my family is to know about it. I have been with NowakI for 9 years after he came back from America. Its a surprise that I kept it for that long. I laugh at myself, in the hospital room alone.

I just wanted to be alone so that I can think my way out of this. No, I just wanted to make up my mind. After all that has happened, my heart still chooses Nowaki. There is no way in hell that I can live a normal life if my parents force me to leave NowakI and get married.

Hmph, maybe that is where I am going. HELL. I dont deserve anything else. Making my own mother cry like that. Bringing shame to the family name. Disappointing almost everyone in my life...even Nowaki. Shit, I am such a useless person. I just dont know what to do now. With my condition, I had thought that I was better of dead! But in my moment of death, I found out that dying was more painful and lonely. I heard a voice calling out to me in the dark. Unlike in my dreams where the voice made me feel scared, but at that time...Nowaki's voice made me feel reassured. He brought me back to life, and he reassured me of his broken promise that shall not be repeated again.

I was so happy inside when he claimed all of that...even when I know it is not the truth. To protect myself now, I wont trust anyone anymore. Not even Nowaki. I just have to support myself. Like always. I have always been strong person, right?

I laughed again at myself. If NowakI was in this room right now he would think I am crazy...

I have made up my mind. I grabbed my cellphone on top of the tble next to me where NowakI placed it. I looked at my contacts and called my families solicitor.

I have decided...to change my name. Remove myself from the family, from my parents will. I dont want any benefit from them. I have caused them so much pain. So maybe I should just...disappear.

NowakI should not know about this. Only me and my lawyer should know. Its decided.

I called the solicitor and had a long chat with her. She tried to make me change my mind, gave me advice but I paid no attention to it. She finally understood and agreed to the workload. This is going to cost me, its a good thing that the hospital bill is covered by the Universities insurance.

I did what I had to do What I know is right. Now everyone can be happy...and I hope one day I can be happy too.


	24. White flowers

The distance between these two is not obvious but its tearing them apart.

Hiroki has recovered almost fully after staying in the hospital for about a month. Hiroki told Nowaki that he wanted to stay at his new house alone as he intended not to bother him during this busy time of the month at the hospital. Nowaki, of course, disagreed with this idea. Who could leave his lover alone at home when he is still recovering?! It was out of question, but then Nowaki realized that he cant be at home as much as he wanted to so basically...he is still useless. The best thing that Nowaki can think of is to place Hiroki in Miyagi-san's care. Nowaki is stuck between quitting his job so that he can spend more time with his lover, and chasing his dreams so that he could provide for his precious Hiroki. Such a difficult decision!

Hiroki obeyed Nowaki's order and stayed at Miyagi-sans house. Nowaki was so worried about Hiroki. Not only that he had been involved in a grave accident, but then his condition got worse, he is emotionally unstable to the point that he decided to commit suicide. Apart from all of that, Nowaki noticed a change in his beloved. From time to time, Hiroki would be in a daze, he seemed a bit blur when Nowaki tries to talk to him. Nowaki still does not know why did Hiroki asked him to leave the hospital room for about an hour after the whole 'mother incident'. He tried not to pry on the matter, he tries to understand but he would be lying if it did not bother him.

As night came, Nowaki went to pick up Hiroki at Miyagi's house. Nowaki wondered if this would be the right time to purchase a car, so that Hiroki does not have to walk back to their place. Its freezing outside and its quite a distance. Nowaki would never forgive himself if his beloved caught another cold due to this. But Nowaki's budget is a little tight. He is saving up for a special something that he has planned.

As Nowaki reached Miyagi's home, he rang the doorbell and the one that welcomed him in was Miyagi-san's lover, Shinobu. Nowaki thanked the kid for looking after Hiroki and then Miyagi came out of is study room. He said to Nowaki that he wanted to talk. Whenever Miyagi made that request,Nowaki panicks a little inside.

"How's things at the hospital?" Miyagi asked.

"Its a it busy but its nothing unusual. Ummm, where is Hiro-san if i may ask?"

"He is in the room, just finished his shower. He would come out soon. Before that, i wanted to tell you that Hiroki is going to the university tomorrow."

"What?! Why?! Did something happened?!"

"Calm down, nothing happened! Its just that it has been a month and we cant find any substitute lecturers to fill in for Hiroki. And we did not force him to go, he wanted to go himself. Hiroki can start slowly, its been more than a month since that incident and Hiroki has been...well not himself lately. I think this would at least help him a little."

Nowaki dosent exactly disagree to this suggestion, maybe going back to teach is the best for Hiroki. Nowaki has been thinking about stupid things such as maybe he can take over the substitute lecturer's part, or sending Hiroki and picking him up from university everyday, or even enter his lectures so that he can keep an eye on him. Nowaki gloomed a little, its not that he cant do it but he knows both Miyagi and Hiroki would get angry.

"I- i understand. But is there anything i can do to help? Maybe like buying a car so that he-" Nowaki's words got cut off.

"Stop it, i dont need to drive. I can walk by myself." Hiroki said that after entering the room leaving everyone speechless. He continued "You just keep your focus on your work, dont worry about me anymore. I am fine. If I need help then Miyagi-san is there to help me. He is reliable.

Ah, those words. Nowaki was hurt a little. Is Hiroki trying to say that Nowakiis useless to him? There was an awkward silence in the room. Then Shinobu who was in the kitchen came to tell everyone that dinner was ready. Everybody perked up a bit to the sound of dinner but was scared of the doom aura coming from the kitchen. Shinobu must have cooked dinner.

"Ummm, I think we should go back. Are you ready Hiro-san? L-lets go?" Nowaki said to Hiroki.

"Y-yeah." Hiroki was also a little anxious to go home. Its either home cooked food or diarrhea for a week.

"H-hey, how about a ride? I can drive you back." Miyagi was attempting to escape as well.

"Its okay Miyagi-san, we can walk! Thanks for today!" both of them left the house in such haste leaving Miyagi sobbing a little to his fate.

"You were trying to escape werent you?" Shinobu asked his old lover with a grimaced face.

"N-no such thing my love! I was just being nice...you know...ehehe" Miyagi's sly little face didnt get Shinobu's approval.

"Hmph, no sex for a month." Shinobu gave Miyagi a cold shoulder and returned to the kitchen.

"What?! NOOOO!" Now you pity Miyagi dont you?

Nowaki bought dinner along their way back for the both of them. He bought Hiroki's favorite food in thought that he might cheer his lover a bit. The whole journey back was nothing but silence. Nowaki was a bit afraid to ask Hiroki anything and Hiroki was avoiding eye contact the whole time.

As soon as they were finished with dinner, Hiroki got up and went to his room. Nowaki noticed this and called out to him before he lock himself in that room all alone.

"Hiro-san, I want to talk to you for a while. Please sit down?"

Hiroki was a bit uneasy when Nowaki called out to him. He sighed and said "Look, if its about the whole teaching thing, you know I have to go back sooner or later. Its my job and there is no one to replace me. Dont make such a big fuss about it."

"I am not making a big fuss about it. But I am upset that you decided this on your own and told Miyagi-san instead of me. Please sit down and talk to me."

"T-there is nothing to talk about!" Hiroki was shaking a little. Nowaki's didnt raise his voice, but his calm tone was scaring Hiroki.

"Hiro-san. I - want - to - talk. Please come here."

"N-no." Hiroki looked away and grabbed the handle of the door. He jolted to the sound of Nowaki getting up from the chair loudly and his footsteps were getting closer. Hiroki managed to open the door, went inside and slammed the door at Nowaki's face.

"Hiro-san! Open the door please! I just want to talk! Please." Nowaki knocked on the door gently. Hiroki refused to open the door after locking it. Hiroki stayed in that room by himself, huddled on the bed while closing his ears. Refusing to hear Nowaki calling out to him.

After a while, Nowaki just got pissed that his pleading did not get any response and banged the door loudly. Hiroki jolted to the sound.

"You said you still loved me. Was that a lie Hiro-san?"

Hiroki's eyes widen to the sound of Nowaki's voice. He kept on thinking to himself that he still loves Nowaki. He doesent want to part from him. His love for him is not a lie! But his thoughts, obviously, is not know to Nowaki. All Nowaki could hear was just silence.

"I see." Nowaki said with such a dejected voice. "Well, good night Hiro-san. I love you...so much." Nowaki walked away to his bedroom. Slept his sadness away. Not knowing that Hiroki is doing the same.

As morning came, Nowaki was sleeping in his own room. He snores a little but not obnoxiously. Hiroki entered his room quietly and glanced at his mans sleeping face. Hiroki decided to go to the University a bit early to get a head start. Actually, he wanted to go before Nowaki wakes up and persuades him not to go. If knowing Nowaki, he would suggest Hiroki to stop working at once and just stay home while he provides for everything. Hiroki despises that the most, his passion for teaching and literature would not be affected by just a mere accident or love problems. Hiroki left a note on Nowaki's side table. He hesitated to come inside Nowaki's room but after mustering his bravery, he pecked a kiss on his man's cheek lightly and left the room like turbo.

Hiroki's face flushed red as he was about to enter his room at the university. He pulled himself together and entered the room. To his surprise, Miyagi-san was there waiting for him with a wide smile on his face. Hiroki noticed after Miyagi-san welcomed him, that his lecturers table was filled with white flowers and in between all of those flowers...was Hiroki's picture. Miyagi looked so proud as it is obvious that he and the students joined forces to make this surprise.

"...Are you, holding a funeral for me?" Hiroki's usual sharp words.

"What?! How can you say that your heartless brat! The students tried so hard to decorate your table, and the picture of you was printed and framed by me! Seriously, talk about being ungrateful! Sheesh." Miyagi was acting a little pissy after hearing Hiroki's comment.

"Urm, well. I am grateful and all. But arent white flowers usually used for funerals. I mean, some color would be nice." Hiroki looked at Miyagi and was shocked by the scary face he was making.

"Ah...you gotta point there...my bad. I am such a bad human being" Miyagi gloomed and sat on his chair looking more depressed.

Hiroi realised his mistake "AH! Well I really dont mind it! Really! Thank you so much for your efforts! I like it." Hiroki was a bit jittery about the whole thing. Miyagi could not help but to laugh at his cute response.

"I am glad that you are back to your usual state, you werent the same after that incident" Miyagi patted Hiroki's head. "So are you ready to make your students lives miserable? Just make sure to thank them for worrying over you and their efforts before making their life a living hell."

Hiroki looked a little clueless at first but he just smiled a little and said "Yeah."


	25. Heart letters

Rays of light came into my room, and I was awaken by it. Today is my day off. But I feel so groggy, and of course so sleepy. But I just have to get up now, I want to check up on Hiro-san. He is going to work today and i am actually against it. He is going to overwork himself, and that would make his injuries...well, they are actually healed but I am just against it! He dosent have to work, i have enough funds to support him.

Who am I kidding, i cant even buy a car because i am saving up for something special. I just want him to be safe, never alone again. However, things dont always go as planned. Even after all that has happened between us, even when Hiro-san declared his love for me after all that i had done, I feel as if he still couldnt forgive me. He kept his distance, and yesterday night was a perfect example. He told Miyagi-san about him going back to work but not to me! This kind of important things should be discussed with only me! Call me selfish but I am your lover. Argh! Lets just get out of bed.

I came out of my room probably looking like a hobo. I looked around then went to Hiro-san's room. I knocked a few times...no answer. I opened the door slowly, i dont want to wake him up if he is still sleeping. I peeked and and saw the bed has been made neatly. He went to work without telling me?! WHY?! Argh I am just so angry! I cant take this?! Just at least tell me that you would be going, wake me up or something! Dont just leave me without a word! Is this part of your revenge?!

I sighed so many times when I think about it. I decided to continue sleeping. He wont pick up my calls no answer my message if he is at work. He would be too preoccupied and I am pretty sure he has a workload...and dosent want to talk to me...Argh! So angry!

I slammed my door open, not knowing what for but I just feel like throwing a fit. I noticed a piece of paper fell down from drawer beside my bed. I didnt think i put it there so I picked it up and by reading the content really surprised me. I blushed after reading this letter that my beloved wrote for me.

"Nowaki, I am sorry that I have acted the way I did for the past few days. I hope you would forgive me, but I do hope you understand that the situation is a bit awkward for me. I need some time to figure things out. I promise not to break things off between you and me, I just need to take things one step at a time. And going back to work would be my first step. I am trying to figure out my life and my life with you. I apologize if I am a burden. But I do love you. Please believe me. Please be patient with me.

I will be back tonight by 8 pm. Can I please have some nyikujaga for dinner? Please have enough rest."

Hiroki

I am truly loved, then I shall try my best to work things out. His hand writting is usually neat, but this looks like he was writing it while he was nervous. The crooked words of 'I love you' on the letter shows how difficult it was for him to write it. Ever the shy Hiro-san. Somehow I can just die happy now but I dont ever want to leave him. Is this what Hiro-san feels like when he read my letters that I didnt want to send from America 9 years ago? I feel like I can live more than 1000 years ust by reading this. Hmph, what am I saying? I am an idiot in love. Something has changed in Hiro-san. And it is a change for the better. I should change myself too. I love you so much, my Hiro-san.

[authors note: To the person who gave a review about updating the story, this chapter is for you :) Thank you for reading my fanfic. PS: This is not the end of the story. More chapters to look forward to ;)]


	26. A pouting lover

Months passed by, but slowly i see progress. I see how my lover is warming up to me slowly. He smiles a bit more, not as usual as he did before but it is noticeable. I hear him laugh once or twice within this period, and it meant the world to me. How I have missed seeing him laugh and smile like that. I dont care whether he was laughing at my stupidity, all I cared about is how he looked like through my eyes. Always breathtakingly beautiful. He would punch me if i ever said that in front of him, but sometimes i think he knows how i feel for him. His blushes. His brown hair falling down on his forehead slightly covering those mysterious brown eyes. His frown which looked more like an adorable pouting cat to me. His slim body. His slender waist. His scent. I love him whole.

I have not touched him for so long. He still keeps his distance with me if it involves intimate situations. I crave to touch him. He avoids me but he allows me to kiss him lightly. Apart from that would be crossing the line from him. He wold get mad even if I wanted to hug him. How i wish i could hug him right now. I always thought that all these while, he avoids it because he was in pain. But the longer I think about it, it is not likely to be the exact reason. I just want to hug him while we both fell asleep. I want to kiss him to show him how I love him. How he meant the world to me. To kiss him till I am satisfied. I want to make love to him, I want to make a mess out of him. I know that he is avoiding me, but I have to bear with it. My patience shall be apology. My understanding shall be my punishment. I know this is not sufficient to get him back, but I have planned something special. All i have to do is to wait for the perfect moment.

"Ah, Hiro-san. Welcome back." Hiro-san came into the house looking a little tired and its quite late.

"Oh, Nowaki. You are home early."He avoided eye contact with me. I sighed on the inside. I got up from the kitchen table and walked towards him. He flinched a little.

"Are you alright. You must be tired, you came back so late. Have you eaten?"

"How many questions do you want to ask me, I told you not to worry about me so much. I am fine. I am a grown man. I can look afer myself. You just worry about yourself." He hesitated with his words, and still, not looking at me in the eye.

"You didnt answer my question, have you eaten" I want an answer from him.

"Y-you are annoying! I am fine! I am not hungry!" He shouted a bit but I still wasnt satisfied.

"Have you eaten? Answer me Hiro-san." I stared at him, maybe i did scare him a little but it was necessary.

"N-no...not yet." He was like a scared little kitten after hearing my words. I was relieved that he answered.

"Then I will make some udon for you. Okay? You go and take a bath first. I kissed him on the forehead to show my affection and that I am not angry with him. He blushed a bit and I heard him complaining a bit behind my back. I heard words like "Damn him, I cant make it by myself" or "He worries too much that over sized giant." Soo cute, I cant help myself but to smile. To think that he is actually pouting like this. Argh I love him!

[authors note : I have to make the chapters short to show different situations and emphasis on the characters view towards another. Hope you like it.]


	27. Pure Bliss

Time goes on so fast. In a blink of an eye, almost a year has passed after that incident. Hiroki dosent even remember the in depth details of the incident but the scars that is latched on too his body would never leave him. It shall be a constant reminder to him of the break up, the pain, the tears, his beloved. Those scars would never disappear.

Hiroki no longer undress in front of the mirror or even catching a glance of those hideous scars. He believes that in order to achieve happiness that he longed for, he needs to forget the past. Never admitting it nor reminisce the memoirs of it. This is also the main factor of him avoiding skinship with his beloved. For a gay couple, or even a straight married couple, after spending so many years together it is only obvious that the sex would die out. You no longer crave for the touch of your partner. It may be because of strength, age, attitude, or merely losing interest. For Hiroki, that is never the case. Deep down he actually crave for his beloveds body. Releasing himself over and over again when he felt the urge. Doing it alone is never satisfying but Hiroki has no choice. Its either wanking all alone or showing his ugly body to Nowaki. It is no longer that beautiful body that Nowaki loves. Its UGLY! Ugly! So ugly! Hideous scars that stretches across his tummy covering certain parts of his leg and arm. It haunts Hiroki everyday, he hats it, despise it! If only he could only disappear. Legend says that a certain scar would only fade upon your death. Another states that a scar would disappear if you start being jolly. "Such bullshit" what Hiroki thought.

Hiroki suffers alone, stepping himself into depression. Building a wall around him all over again. And he hopes that this time Nowaki can never even drill through it or bring it down. He shall keep everything to himself, not concerning himself with other. "Its okay, you can do this. You have to, everything is gonna be alright" Hiroki comforting himself.

At the university, Hiroki is managing through his materials. Staring blankly and moving like a machine. His colleague Professor Miyagi has been concerned over his friend but his attempt is always futile. Its as if he lost his emotions. No longer the 'devil kamijou' to he students even.

"Ahhhh, its been a long day!" Professor Miyagi stretches his arms up and releasing a yawn. He glanced over to Hiroki who dosent even bother to reply or respond to his comment. Miyagi let out a huge sigh. He repeated the same words and actions but a bit louder. "Ahhhh, its been a long day!" and it caught Hiroki attention finally.

"Ah, sorry. Do you want some tea?" Hiroki never even bothered to look at Miyagi, he just marched to the coffee table and made some tea which didnt took too long. But his every action was surveyed by Miyagi. Hiroki served the tea by plcing it on top of Miyagi's table and not even looking at him directly in the eye.

"My you have gotten so cold" Miyagi whispered. Hiroki asked if Miyagi had said something as he didnt hear it, and Miyagi denied saying anything.

"I think I am going home." Hiroki claimed while cleaning up.

"Going home already? How lucky. I want to go on a holiday too. Somewhere nice and breezy." Miyagi said with a smirk on his face.

"What are you talking about, I can see the workload on your bloody table. Be reminded that I am not responsible for it or even wanting to lend a hand ever again. Please do your job properly 'Professor' " each word was like a knife stabbing Miyagi and Hiroki said it in such a cold tone.

"My, my. It seems that you have misheard me. After all my effort to apply for a vacation for you. Arent I an understanding senior? I think I am. I am so envious of you H-I-R-O-K-I" as Miyagi was talking he looked away then glanced at Hiroki. But he was shocked to see such an evil glaring face that seems like he has summoned all ghost and ghouls to show that scary expression.

"What so you mean by that Professor?"...so scary.

Hiroki got home with such speed. He practically banged the door open. "Where are you shitty Nowaki! You have got some explaining to do!" but the house was empty. He knows Nowaki is home, and then he heard Nowaki's room door opened.

"Ah, welcome home Hiro-sa-" Nowaki didnt get to finish his greeting as he was slapped by Hiroki.

"How dare you- How dare you interfere with my work! You asshole! You dragged Miyagi-san into this too! You selfish bastard!" No...this is not what Hiroki wanted to say originally. Its like he is enraged, the anger is taking control over him. All the things he said, he actually didnt mean it. But he couldnt stop! "Whats your excuse for taking a week off my work. I have a lot of things to do even when the uni is on break! You think i have no better things to do, huh? I have had enough of you being selfish, I AM FINE! I dont need you looking after me anymore! Dont interfere with my life!"

The sudden outburst ended. While Hiroki panted after he bombs away with his speech, Nowaki just stoop silent there with his hand on the place Hiroki slapped. Hiroki stared for a while and realised what he has done.

"No...thats now what I- I meant um... I just dont understand..." Hiroki was quivering as he knows that he has done something wrong.

"You are not the only one suffering. All I wanted was for you to smile at me again. I want you to stop cooping up yourself in that room anymore. I wanted to touch you, and you wouldnt let me. I have been so patient...I see- I see you are unwilling to go." Tears starts dripping from Nowaki's eyes. The sight of it made Hiroki choked up. "I understand, I will cancel the whole thing. I- I am sorry." Nowaki turned around and entered into hi room and Hiroki didnt get a chance to stop him.

He was so confused. Why would Nowaki asked Miyagi-san to apply for a week off? A sudden move which made Hiroki wondered and maybe because he rushed home, his heart rate went up and messed up his emotions. He wanted to ask Nowaki calmly of the reason behind this whole plan. Hiroki cursed to himself over and over. He had hurt Nowaki.

Hiroki decided to call Miyagi-san and clarify on thing. He took the call in hiss room so that Nowaki couldnt hear. He couldnt just barge into Nowaki's room and apologise without knowing anything. With his fucked up emotions, he could just snap at a single wrong word Nowaki could have said.

He got a hold of Miyagi. He explained what had happened in such brief and demanded to get the whole story behind this. Miyagi had to surrender and explained. It seems that Nowaki has been planning this for so long. Saving up most of his salary just for this. A trip, just for the both of them on a tropical island. All expenses paid by Nowaki. His reason was that Nowaki saw Hiroki to be so stressed and depressed so he wanted to do something fr his beloved. He poured in much effort to the point that he has been working extra shifts and keeping it a secret till now. All other details didnt matter to Hiroki now as he has realised his stupid mistake. How could he have done that to Nowaki. Hiroki cursed to himself again. The phone call took about a half and hour. Miyagi tried to calm Hiroki down, talk over things and consult him on what to do next. Miyagi is such a true friend that you can rely on.

Hiroki locked himself in is room to think things over. He got all the necessary details of the flight, place and plans from Miyagi. It took more than 2 hours before Hiroki left his room. He went to Nowaki's room and stood there for some time. He know no matter what, Nowaki would never lock his door. Hiroki hand was on the knob, his heart was beating like crazy. This is an apology of a lifetime. "Here goes..." Hiroki whispered to himself.

Slowly opening the door without any noise, he knew Nowaki was sleeping. The room was dark as he saw the lights werent open from the bottom of the closed door. So he didnt bother knocking. But the light from outside of the room lit parts of it, and Hiroki saw an unpacked suitcase that was messy and some traveling books scattered as if if has been kicked of thrown away. Hiroki's regret increased. To the right he saw Nowaki curling up inside his blanket. Hiroki's protruding lip shows his regret of whatever had happened.

Hiroki pulled up the blanket gently and hugged Nowaki from behind as he was facing the other direction. His hug shocked Nowaki who got up to the touch of his lover. "Hiro-san?" Nowaki grabbed onto Hiroki's hand which seemed like he was confused to push it away or grab a hold of it.

"I am sorry..." Hiroki said with such a remorseful voice. It seemed like he was almost crying. Nowaki was confused of this matter as he just woken up. Nowaki's eyes were swollen indicating that he was crying before. "Hiro-san?" he asked again.

"I am so sorry- sorry. I am sorry for what I did. I am sorry I hit you- I am just sorr-y" Hiroki starts to tear up leaving water stains on the back of Nowaki's clothes. Nowaki's heart melted by the sudden act of his beloved. He pulled apart his lover grip around his waist and turned around to face him. He hugged him tightly as if his anger and sadness just disappeared. His beloved tears washed away what has happened a few hours ago. Hiroki continued to apologise to Nowaki. It took up all of his guts to just hug Nowaki on his bed. Nowaki just smiled slightly and shushed his lover. "Its okay, shhh. I understand. I am not angry anymore. Please dont cry... I love you."

"I am sorry, I understand now. I will go. I'll go" He hugs Nowaki tighter, suffocating him with his love and remorse. Aww, Nowaki just felt pure bliss. "Its okay, I forgive you my love. Shh" Nowaki lifted Hiroki's face to kiss his beloved. His kiss was light at first then it got intense after a while. Its as if both of them craved for each others lips. Kissing each other till they are out of breath, tongues became tired and lips were swollen. Such wonderful time. Could time just freeze now? Both of them were in each others embrace, looking into each others eyes. Caressing each others body until their comfort made them slumber in such bliss.


	28. Lust

\- Hello readers! Please forgive my absence all these while. Ill make it up by finishing the story by the end of this month. Enjoy :) -

Nervousness. The feeling that Hiroki is having right now. As the plane takes off, he grips his hands onto the armrest of his chair. The roar of the engine, the vibration and the pressure is making Hiroki experiencing some difficulties of calming down. It was a good thing that his lover, Nowaki, saw him in his state of nervousness. He smiled to Hiroki and whispered in his ear "Everything is going to be alright, just take a deep breath and calm down my love." Such sweet words made Hiroki blush and looks down to his knees. He couldnt pick a fight with Nowaki as they were in a public place and he is still frightened by the whole taking off thing. Plus, his dominant hand was bound. Bound by Nowaki's hands. Nowaki holds on to Hiroki's hand while caressing it in order to reassure him that everything is alright. The lights were dimmed and they were placed at the first class seats which were quite empty. So no one could actually see this embarrassing sight.

As the plane had a successful take off, Hiroki was reluctant to let go of those hands, but when the light were on, he had to.

"The flight is going to take up to 8 hours. You are still tired right? You can sleep first if you want. Ill wake you when they are about to serve the food." Nowaki says to Hiroki with such a gentle smile on his face.

That smile actually pisses off Hiroki the most. Because it is such an embarrassing sight to look at. So embarrassing to the point that it will make Hiroki too happy from seeing it.

"What about you? You must be tired too right! I mean you...this...is expensive right. I mean..." Whats with all the stutter Hiroki? But even as he still couldnt get his words right, he finished his question. "How are you able to pull this off, this must cost a lot. Let me pay for the hotel at least. I dont want to be dependent on you. Its your money, you shouldnt spend it on m-" his words got cut off.

"Dont. Please dont. You will hurt my pride if you do." Nowaki after saying that just looked away with a bit of a painful expression. That made Hiroki shocked at the sight. He remained quiet and timid but his worries were washed away when Nowaki grab a hold of his right hand again. Caressing it so gently. It is as if Nowaki wanted to show how much he cared for Hiroki, that he treasures him so much as he would go to such lengths to prove it. An ideal lover.

Hiroki's head is spinning. Not because of the slight turbulence, but because he is overwhelmed by embarrassment, happiness, a bit of anger and mostly...LOVE. After they ate quite an extravagant meal on the plane, Hiroki was watching a box office movie that was based on one of the latest novels that he just read. He was so transfixed on it and after it finishes, only then he noticed his lover was already asleep with his headphones about to fall off from his head. He giggled slightly at the sight and took those headphones off. Hiroki adjusted Nowaki's seat so that it would make Nowaki sleep more comfortably. He called a flight attendant for more blankets and covered his younger lover.

The flight attendants might have some idea of their relationship. Hiroki tries to act like he dosent give a hoot about it (he does actually), he just wanted to make sure his lover is comfortable. He started to think after seeing Nowaki sleep that he must be super tired in order to pull off this trip. To think that Hiroki made a big deal about it and lashed his anger towards Nowaki the night before.

Argh! When Hiroki thought about this, he was just so mad at himself for doing that. Hitting his head and screaming internally. Its a good thing no one was watching. When the lights dimmed and everyone in the plane was either asleep or minding their own business, Hiroki decided he should call it a day. He just glanced at his lover once more, kissed him slightly on the cheek and said goodnight. Hiroki slept with his face hot and red. Ever the shy person.

The pilot landed the plane smoothly and the sweet couple has finally arrived in Bali. A love destination for couples. Hiroki had a hard time waking up Nowaki as he was a bit groggy but he got it together and they took their luggage's, checked out of the immigration and took a taxi to the hotel. Upon arrival, Hiroki was flabbergasted by the entrance of the hotel. The hotel named Bulgari's entrance was filled with tropical trees, flowers and magnificent structures of wood. The distance from the entrance to the hotel lobby was quite a distance. Hiroki is holding his anger and questions within. Not to embarrass himself and Nowaki infront of these other tourist. As the got off, Nowaki asked if Hiroki would stay at the lounge seat with the bags. Hiroki hesitated but agreed, well yeah, two male guys going into a hotel room is quite...

As Nowaki got the keys, the bell boys took away their bags. Nowaki called for Hiroki gently and asked that if he could go to the room first as Nowaki wanted to get a drink and brochures. Hiroki agreed and took the key cards with him.

THE ROOM. As Hiroki entered his eyes were widened and he was so dumbfounded by the overly spacious, luxurious room with such a magnificent view. The bell boys were asking him for a tip but decided to leave Hiroki alone as he just stood there like a stone still amazed- no, shocked about the whole room thing. For 15 minutes Hiroki just stood there. Then Nowaki came into the room.

"Wow, it is as gorgeous as I hoped it would be. Ah Hiro-sam I got these broc-" as usual, Nowaki's gets cut off.

"NOWAKI! WHAT THE HELL IS WITH THIS ROOM?! This is a bloody suite?! How much does it bloody cost?! There is a limit to your spending! Plus two men checking in a suite room?! What were you thinking?!" Hiroki was shouting at Nowaki with rage as he could not fathom all of this.Hiroki was grabbing on to Nowakis shirt collar and shaking him throughout this whole dramatic episode.

"Ah well, in this country, most of the couples coming here are homos so they are quite used to it. Hence why I chose the place." Nowaki said it with a smile as he knew his lover would act like this.

"That is not the fucking problem you moron! Do you want to get yourself killed by me?!" Hiroki glared at Nowaki with such a ferocious aura.

Nowaki is used to this so he just said "You are overreacting Hiro-san. Dont you like the room? It is a perfect place to relax."

Hiroki's veins popped and he shakes his lovers collar with more force. "I told you that is not the point you big doofus, idiot, crazy, wacko called Nowaki!" As nowaki was getting a bit dizzy from all the shaking, Hiroki let go of his collar causing him to fall and Hiroki ran straight for the bags. "L-l-l-l-lets check out now! Y-you still havent paid right?! Right?! L-lets just say we are very unsatisfied with the room and- and uh we will just check in a budget hotel!" Hiroki was frantic and moved the bags while stumbling into everything along his path. Nowaki was just laughing seeing his lover acting in such way and he noticed a menacing stare from Hiroki that made him stopped laughing.

"This is not funny you fucking idiot! I am being serious here?! This is too much...I mean the room...and the flight..and...and...urgh..." Hiroki just sits there (In a girls sitting position) staring down onto his hand placed on one of the bags. Hiroki just stayed silent for the whole time causing Nowaki to get worried. Nowaki rushed to his lovers side thinking that he was in pain after the accidents with the bags. To his astonishment, his dearly beloved was crying. Sobbing slightly and looking away from Nowaki. Nowaki got more worried and embraced his lover from behind. Hugging him tight, asking what is wrong and shushed him so that he would cease crying.

"Why...?" A sad word coming out from his beloveds mouth.

"Why what? Whats wrong? Did i do something to make you cry like this? Please dont cry, I cant stand to see you cry...tell me.." Nowaki gets anxious and pecks his lovers cheeks lightly.

"Of course you did! I am so angry and mad at you right now! Stop kissing me!" Hiroki tries to push away Nowaki's lips but it was futile. Nowaki pulls away Hiroki's hands and french kissed his beloved. Such a deep kiss. Their tongues entwined. A long kiss that makes both of them to shudder and crave for each other more. Nowaki could not stand it, he must have a taste of his Hiro-san now. Even when still kissing, Nowaki grabbed onto Hiroki and carries him to the bed which was a bit of a distance from where they were standing.

Hiroki threw a bit of a tantrum but then was silenced by such a drugging kiss that makes him weak all over. Hiroki always loved Nowaki's kisses. His kisses are always so dominating, making one to lose their minds when things get so intense. As their kisses gets hotter, Nowaki took off his clothes. Showing his bare skin to Hiroki that make him shudder with excitement. But when Nowaki wants to take off his partners clothes, Hiroki protested strongly.

"No! Dont! I want to keep my clothes on...please. Dont take it off." Hiroki looked away but his hands were tightly gripping onto his light white shirts and pants that were already unbuckled.

Nowaki sighed but then he hugged Hiroki. Hugging him so tightly and his face was placed right next to his. Nowaki's breath could be felt by Hiroki on the nape of his neck causing him to shudder. Anyone could see that they were both aroused, but Hiroki's stubbornness is putting a hold to the igniting flame.

"Why? Why dont you want me to take off your clothes? That not fair Hiro-san. I am already all bare... You can feel it cant you, how much I crave for you?" Nowakis hard penis was poking in between his lovers thighs. He wanted to show how much he craved for Hiroki, so he grinded his lower body. His penis was rubbing in between those warm thighs and eventually rubbing Hiroki's penis.

"Ahh...ahhh, stop Nowaki. I cant. I dont want you to see! Its still so bright...I cant..." Still stubborn, Hiroki is pushing away, protesting to strip infront of Nowaki. His tears were dripping from the corner of his eyes.

"Shhh...dont cry because of this. I want to see my beloveds body..why arent you letting me see it? You know I love you so much. I crave for you, I NEVER WANT TO HURT YOU AGAIN. So please...let me..." Nowaki manages to push away Hiroki's hands that were blocking him from stripping his clothes off.

"N-no! You will hate me when you see it! You- will hate me even more!" Hiroki cried a bit louder.

Nowaki sighed. "What are you trying to say? I cant understand. How can I come to hate you? I...love you so much. Cant you believe me my love? Believe me.." Nowaki stared into his lovers tear filled eyes so intensely causing him to look away.

"I am no longer the person that you once loved. I am UGLY..." Hiroki covered his eyes with his right arm.

Nowaki now understands but still forcibly undress Hiroki and finally the results. Hiroki's bare skin that he has not seen for so long. Beautiful white, velvet skin marred with scars but NEVER ugly to Nowaki's eyes. It does pain him a little to see as it reminded him of his mistakes, but not now. He sees the scars as a part of his beloveds sexy body. He craves for this body so much, just thinking about it might cause him to blow his load anytime soon.

Nowaki kissed the skin of his beloved, including the scars. Licking it while panting with heat and causing Hiroki to wriggle beneath him. He pushed away the right hand that was blocking Hiroki's eyes. Hiroki opened his eyes slowly to see Nowaki smiling ever so gently at him.

"So beautiful...i love you so much Hiro-san. I love you." No more words need to be spoken between them. Just those words was enough for Hiroki to release his worries and surrenders his body completely to the man he loves.

"N-Nowaki! Haa'ah...Nowaki"


	29. Embrace

Aroused. Both of them were. It as been such a long time since either of them had touched one another. Hiroki could not help but to run his fingers along his mans chest to his navel. Tracing the fine hair covering it as he continues to kiss his man so passionately.

Wanton. Hiroki wraps his legs around Nowaki's waist, not letting it go. It is as if he had discarded all his shame and pride as he craves for Nowaki so much. Nowaki could not help but to feel happy that his lover wants him so much judging by his gestures. Nowaki's right hand gently pulled back Hiroki's soft, brown hair and another tried to reach down for Hiroki's shaft. Grabbing it that caused Hiroki to scream out a bit. It made him more aroused when Nowaki gently strokes on it.

Nowaki could not take it anymore! He slided down to Hiroki's lower waist and gobbled up Hiroki's shaft. Sucking on it gently at first then continued vigorously.

"Aaaah! Ah-haaah..Nowaki, not so har-aghh! I cant- plea-ahh hah haaa!" Nowaki paid no attention to Hiroki's pleading. He just continued to suck on Hiroki penis. Licking it, kissing and stroking it. It wasnt long until Hiroki shudders strongly and pulled on Nowaki's hair and cummed.

Hiroki panted for a while as it felt so good. Catching his breath and covering his face at first. But then he sulked and refused Nowaki's kisses. Nowaki was shocked and thought Hiroki didnt want to taste his own semen as Nowaki swallowed it whole. Nowaki just stared at his lover, confused.

"Its not fair!" Hiroki exclaimed!

"Eh? I am sorry, it didnt feel good?" Nowaki said.

"No! Thats not it! I want to make you feel good too. Why am I the only one receiving?! You are so- unfair!" Hiroki's pouted slightly.

Nowaki chuckled as he worried over nothing. He even thought that Hiroki was so cute when he pouts like that. He looked like a little cat. Hiroki got more mad and shouted that this wasnt funny. Before Hiroki could get anymore angrier than this, Nowaki caressed Hiroki's inner thighs softly, in hope that Hiroki would get in the mood again.

It worked, slowly Hiroki started to blush and wriggled his lower body towards Nowaki's strong thighs. Nowaki gulped as the sight of this is too sexy. He asked if Hiroki could suck on his fingers. Hiroki looked as if he didnt want to at first, but later submits to Nowaki's request anyway. How could he refuse.

Nowaki used his fingers that was covered with saliva to widen up Hiroki's opening. Starting with one finger then later thrusting more inside. Exploring every nook and cranny, making Hiroki unable to stay still with every movement of Nowaki's fingers. Nowaki always takes his sweet time preparing his lover before penetration. But this time, he took even longer. He didnt want to hurt his lover again after the whole incident about a year ago. He decided to love him tenderly this time.

"Agh-haa. How-how long aree you going to keep on doing that?! Nowaki-please." Hiroki pleaded.

"Shhh, not yet. Not yet. Just a bit longer please Hiro-san. Please bear with me, I dont want to hurt you."

Nowaki's finger reached Hiroki's perineum and starts kneading it with his middle finger. Hiroki was overwhelmed with sensation and arched his head back as he grabbed on to the white, velvet like sheets. Hiroki never knew he was this sensitive. It is as if Nowaki had remembered all is sweet spots even after all this time- or its because he is a doctor and he knew all the parts that can make a man moan.

"Enough! Nowaki! I cant-ah. Put it in p-please!"

"Just a bit more." Nowaki grabbed onto Hiroki's left hand and kissed those pink and long fingertips.

"No!" Hiroki protested as he started to move his legs like he is throwing a tantrum.

Hiroki had a plan. His hands reached and grabbed on to Nowaki's penis then stroked it. Nowaki shuddered as it was so sudden. Hiroki guided it to his openings where Nowaki's fingers were still intact. Nowaki's eyes widen to the situation, he cant believe what is happening. So sexy.

"Fingers - out" Hiroki panted as he tried to finish his sentence. "I want yours in me- Nowaki- please- AH!"

Hiroki's plan worked. Nowaki who could not hold it in any longer due to the sexy teasing, just thrusted himself violently into Hiroki's opening after removing his fingers. It was tight, Nowaki couldnt move at first. Both of them shuddered as the sensation was indescribable. Finally, they have become one again. So good.

"Haaa- Hiro-san, THAT was unfair. You little tease." Both of them giggled slightly as they were happy with whats going on. Then Nowaki started to move slowly. Hiroki lets out his soft moans that turned on Nowaki.

"More. Moan louder for me please."

"S-shut up. Dont say that pervert! Arghhh! Ha'ah hah... "

Nowaki's thrust became faster and harder. The sounds that they make were more than just heavy breathing and panting. Squishing and fapping noises could be herd by them both. It is caused by the movements of their hard sex. Nowaki's thrusting is making Hiroki unable to hold it in. Everytime Hiroki tried to wriggle away from Nowaki's fierce thrust, Nowaki would grab hold of his lovers waist and pulls him closer with force. Repeating it every time Hiroki tried to wriggle away.

"I cant hold it- Nowaki! Come together...aahggg!"

"Hiro-san. Hiro-san. I love you so muc-nghhh"

They both climaxed as they arched their body. Shuddering with such satisfaction. Leaving the bed to be all sticky with white semen. They embraced each other, finishing their sex with lustful kisses that lasted a while.

Soon after, Nowaki realized that their sex just drained out all the energy from his Hiro-san. He looks weak as he tried to catch his breath. The time in Bali was almost 5 pm. Nowaki thinks that maybe they should just stay in the room till tomorrow morning.

The room can be utilized as much as possible. It is lavishly furnished and has a spacious room that could fit in more than 20 people. There is also an expanded living room and a small indoor pool just outside of the bedroom. It is also included with a magnificent kitchen and the whole hotel room was filled with such fragrance aroma.

Nowaki kissed his Hiro-san on the forehead and slipped his left hand behind Hiroki's neck. Another hand slipped under Hiroki's legs and Nowaki carried his lover to the bathroom. Hiroki did not put up much fight, he was so tired looking. His eyes were almost shut and in a daze. But Nowaki figured if his lover wanted to sleep, he should at least get cleaned up first...or maybe they can play soapy land in the bathroom as Nowaki was still horny towards his lover.

Nowaki puts down Hiroki in the Jacuzzi and turned on the warm water tap, making sure that it was not too hot or cold for his lover. He waited for the water to fill up. He kissed Hiroki again before getting up to take some bath salts, shampoo, towel and lotion. Nowaki then slipped himself behind Hiroki. It was such a relaxing time. From time to time, Nowaki would scoop some water with his hand and pour it on Hiroki's shoulder. Caressing his shoulder and then kissing it.

As they spooned together, Hiroki broke the silence.

"Dont you think you are spending a little too much on me?"

"Eh? What do you mean? -Is this the reason why you were crying earlier?"

"I didnt cry!" Hiroki bumped the back of his head and hits Nowaki's nose. Nowaki was in pain but he is kind of used to it. Hiroki continues "This is the lifestyle we cant afford. I mean this is not a hotel room, this is like a castle. I have never seen such fine things and plus it must have taken a lot of money just to get here..."

"Please dont worry anymore, Hiro-san" Nowaki hugged his lovers waist tightly. "I want to do this. Can you please just enjoy this, after me putting up such efforts to spoil you. I want to do things right. All I want to do is make you happy."

Hiroki was swooned by those words. "You can make me happy just by spending time with me you know."

"No, that is never enough. I want to spoil you. I- I want to make it up to you."

Hiroki was silenced for a while. "Say, are you still hung up on the whole accident thing?"

"..." Nowaki just stayed silent as he buries his head on Hiroki back. Preventing Hiroki from seeing his face.

Hiroki lets out a big sigh. "You should know that it was never your fault from the very beginning."

"What?! It is totally my faul-!" Before Nowaki gets to finish, Hiroki turned his body towards him and whacked his head.

"Let your elders finish what they are trying to say." Hiroki was pissed as his veins started to pop. Nowaki just looked down the after that, like a puppy getting scolded. His hands were still wrapped around Hiroki's waist and not letting it go. Hiroki then continued where he left off.

"It was never your fault. I dont want you to fret about it anymore. For this whole time, you have been patient with me even when I was emotionally unbalanced. You even said that you loved me even with this hideous scars."

Nowaki wanted to say something when Hiroki said 'hideous scars' but he decided to shut up as Hiroki was glaring at him. "Well- i just want to say thank you so much for doing this for me. I really appreciate it." Hiroki continued.

Nowaki couldnt believe his ears. He looked up and stared into Hiroki's eyes for quite some time. He was about to cry from happiness but was stopped by Hiroki's sudden kiss.

"I love you so much Nowaki, and I really mean it. You are so dear to me." Hiroki finally showed his beautiful wide smile. The smile that Nowaki wanted to see for so long. Both of them hugged each other so tightly, shedding tears and giggled slightly over their awkwardness and stupidity. Their love was finally unwrapped. You can say that...they have found happiness in each others arms.

Soon they embraced each other again in the bathroom. Hiroki was not fond of making love in the tub, he was afraid of water getting inside him but in the end they did it anyway. Their voices echoed in the marble covered bathroom. With each thrust, Hiroki's scream gets louder and louder. They lost the track of the time and also the rounds of sex that they had. Their sex was like a drug, leaving them unsatisfied even after every round. They had tried various positions and places in one night. But according to Nowaki, the time where it felt so good and Hiroki screamed so loud was when they did it in the living room after their short dinner break. Nowaki really proved his love for Hiroki during their sex. Leaving both of them exhausted and slept immediately as they reached their wide, soft bed. Falling asleep in each others embrace.

[authors note: Hope you readers enjoyed this chapter.]


	30. Hiro-san

Chirping birds sounds, rays of foreign sunlight, sound of waves and the smell of the sea coming in from the outside of our hotel window. This is not our daily environment that we are used to. We woke up a little late that usual, but the one thing I never get tired of is the sound of Hiro-san's voice in the morning.

"Ngh. Nowaki...what time is it?" Hiro-san just waking up and rubbing his eyes, still in my arms.

"Hmm? Oh, local time would be 11.30 am. We woke up a little late." I caressed his hair and kissed him on the forehead. He was still a bit blur as he did not wake up fully. He stretched a little then continued to snuggle in my arms and closing his eyes. I chuckled a little, it seems that he is not ready to wake up. Well we were still tired because of the traveling...and the sex yesterday. I will let him sleep as much as he wants. But I am a little worried.

I positioned Hiro-san on the bed so that he would be comfortable. I got off the bed and rummaged through my bag to take out a tube of -san was still snoozing, so i just rolled the blaket up to his waist, exposing his lower, naked body. I spread some of the ointment in my fingers but Hiro-san got up and saw what I was doing.

"What the hell are you doing?! What is that?!" He shouted and wriggled away from my grasp.

"Hiro-san, plese calm down. It is an ointment that would help your bud from being sore. I was a little to rough on you yesterday, so I am guessing it would hurt. Now please, stay still!." I grabbed on his legs and spread them apart. But then one of Hiro-san's foot landed on my face.

"DONT, YOU LITTLE BASTARD! What bud are you talking bout you shameless pervert?! I dont want it! I-I- I'll do i myself! Give it to me now!" Hiro-san was protesting quite a lot. But I want to put it o for him. I am the doctor here. I licked and bit his leg that was on my face. "AH! What are you doing?!" Hiro-san pulled away his legs but I managed to get a good grip of them both.

"Now, please stay still okay Hiro-san. This would only sting a little." I spread his legs, he was still protesting but I paid no attention to it. Hiro-san's lovely bud was a a bit red and swelling a little. I knew it. I spread the ointment that was on my fingertips on his lovely opening. Hiro-san was trying to wriggle away, but i prevented him from doing so. I continued to rub the ointment and even rubbed it inside. Hiro-san twitched.

"Ah, N-nowaki...its cold! Please stop! I dont like the feeling! It-its weird! Ah-" He was twitching and slightly shivering. I am pretty sure it is not that painful, but it is for me. Hiro-san looks so sexy right now, and I am trying to control my penis from getting too hard. Hiro-san's bud is so tempting. Argh! But i cant! So I just pulled out my finger and blew on the ointment for it to dry.

"Dont blow on it! Have you no shame?!" Hiro-san's fangs started to appear.

"Why should I feel any shame? I have seen every nook and cranny of your body, what is there to hide? I love your beautiful body Hiro-san." I smiled and kissed his thighs. He looked so embarrassed as I said that, so he hid his flushed face behind his arms.

"I hate you..." when he said that to me, I was a bit depressed and i think it shows on my face. "Dummy, dont take it so seriously! I was just joking! I just dont like it when you always joke around and say perverted stuff!"

"I love you Hiro-san. So much." I hugged Hiro-san tightly. Apart from the sheets, Hiro-san isnt wearing anything. I think my hard on is poking him and he can feel it.

"Hey, you're hard again. Its poking me Nowaki." he blushed shyly.

"Im sorry, i promise i wont do anything. But I just wanna hold you in my arms now.I can maybe calm down by trying to...to tickle you a little!" I released my grasp and start nibbling on his lower rib and my other hand tickling his under arm.

"Wha-?! Nowaki! Stop it haha, I am not a kid! Stop it!" Hiro-san was pulling my hair slightly and pushing my hands away. I laughed too as this is a rare occasion for him to laugh this hard. Then a loud sound was heard by the both of us and there was an awkward silence. It was actually coming from Hiro-san's stomach. That was the loudest stomach growling sound that I have ever heard!

"Pffffft. Bhahahah! Oh gosh Hiro-san, I am so sorry! But that caught me off guard! I guess to much exercise made you so hungry! Hahahaha." I laughed twice as hard.

Hiro-san was not very pleased with all of my laughing as he was fuming. "Shut up you fucking idiot!" he threw one of his super megasonic punch and sent me flying off the bed. It hurt a lot. Hiro-san was grumbling as he slowly walked to the bathroom for a bath. Bt he was wobbling like a jelly. The sight of it made me giggled. I just thank god and everyone that Hiro-san and our lives went back to normal.

After our brunch, we got ready to go to the beach. It was sunny outside and I feel like I havent been to the beach for so long! I wore my swimming trunks but Hiro-san wore a light t-shirt over him and his bathing shorts. He didnt want to scare anybody with his scars he said. I tried to talk him out of it but it was pointless. Its a good thing I rubbed plenty of sunblock on him to prevent him having a horrible tan.

I swam in the beautiful blue beach with Hiro-san even when he is a bit spooked by the vast waters and how it is a bit deep for him. He swam holding on to my swimming trunks sometimes. I really dont mind, it is rather cute that he is scared and depending on me, but I didnt want to give everyone on the beach a free show. So i just grabbed on him and swam with him in the shallow waters.

Before dinner, I sent Hiro-san to have a massage at the spa in our hotel. I want him to relax and rehabilitate after all that has happened. He was protesting by saying that he didnt want to do girly stuff but i pinched him on his earlobes and demanded him to go. His pouted but obliged. I went out shopping when Hiro-san was getting his massage. When I got back, the shop attendant told me that Hiro-san fell asleep during the massage session and they couldnt wake him up. I giggled as it was so typical for Hiro-san to do that.

I assured them that I would take care of that. I carried Hiro-san to our room after settling the bill. The attendants blushed as maybe it was rare for them to see a gay couple. For now, lets just keep this a secret from Hiro-san.

After three hours Hiro-san woke up. We ordered room service and ate our dinner watching a movie while cuddling with each other. We didnt talk much but then I took out a box that I placed at the side table.

"Hiro-san could you face me for a while?" I asked Hiro-san and he faced me while sitting on my lap and his legs were loosely wrapped around my waist.

"Whats wrong?" He looked a little confused.

I just smiled kissed him on the cheek while I slipped on something his finger. Hiro-san just stared at his hand for some time, then he blushed.

"I promised you a long time ago that I would buy you a ring. I just wanted it to prove that I love you. This is a symbol of my vow to you that I will always love you, care for you. I know we cant wear it to work, but please...just keep it. Hmm?" Something shocked me. Hiro-san was crying...awww, my heart just seized. "Dont cry Hiro-san. You will make me cry too." I just snickered at him. Hiro-san hugged me ever so sweetly.

"You spoil me too much, you big idiot!" He laughed a bit but continued sniffing.

After a while, Hiro-san said "Nowaki. I wanted to tell you something. I dont want there to be anymore secret between us...I uhh- well, I have severed my ties with my family after mother found out about our relationship." Hiro-san looked away.

"I knew about it." I said.

"Really? Well that is good to know.-Wait, WHAT?! How did you know?!" Hiro-san was flabbergasted.

"The lawyer that you had hired to severe your ties with your family informed your mother about it directly. It was her job. But when she handed over the large sum of money you intended to give your mother, your mother was furious. She immediately contacted me and seeks an explanation. I was shocked to hear it and was disappointed that you decided this without telling me,

Hiro-san's face changed. "Im sorry Nowaki.."

"Hey, its okay. I dont mind. Its your decision but please bear this in mind Hiro-san. Your mother and father loves you so much. Dont do this. Your mother didnt know how to deal with you so she seeks for my help instead. She wants us to go to your family home after our vacation ends. She tells me you are a bit too hard headed and she would never accept you removing yourself from the family or receiving the money you gave them."

I explained.

"My mother...said that? I- I dont know what to do. I just thought I bring so much shame to the family...so I left." Hiro-san looked as if he was abut to cry again.

"If things happen again between us, would you leave me that easily?" I stared at Hiro-san while caressing his back.

"NO! I wont do that!" Hiro-san shouted.

"Then please make up with your family. It took a while but your mother told me that she learned to accept or relationship. Ill be there beside you when we explain things to your family. I promise to never leave you side again!" I took Hiro-san's hand and kissed the ring finger.

Hiro-san looks touched by my words and it made me happy.

"Too many thing had happened, but now I am so happy. My mother finally accepts our relationship. I am glad. But I wonder what made her change her mind..."

"Ah, its because she had read all of your friend, Usami Akihiko's BL novels, so she learned to accept that gay relationships are common these days and finds nothing wrong with it. She even said that she is now a BL fan...she told me that on the phone."

"...what?" Hiro-san looked blank. I think he is wondering how long I spent talking to his mother on the phone. But in the end both of us laughed. We held onto each other. Melted together with our touches. Everything worked out well enough.

In relationships, there can never be a happy ending, but there is always those happy moments. I learn to cherish each moment that I have with my lover Hiro-san. It took us a long and painful detour to realize our everlasting love. I would sacrifice my ego if thats what it take to make him smile ever so brightly. I just love him so much...so much. And I know he feels the same way too. Hiro-san.

-THE END-


	31. Thank You Readers :)

Thank you all for reading my fanfiction version of Junjou Egoist. I really hope you enjoyed it. My work does not stop here, I will soon publish new stories such as:

My original work but not Boys Love (non-BL)

Bullet For You : Femme Fatale

My original work and Boys Love (BL)

Bullet For You : Hitman

Bullet For You : Healing

Bullet For You : Awakening

Fanfiction Boys Love :

Junjour Romatica : (Usagi x Misaki)

Sex pistols: Bear the brunt (Joshua x Teruhiko)

Ai no Kusabi : (Riki x Iason)

Junjou Euphoria : (Ijuuin)

Please comment if you have any request for the boys love fanfiction. Thank you readers :)


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